Too Much Pressure

Night Me

2012-01-27T04:28:00.001-05:00

On the nights that I get to stay up late, I notice that I become rather introspective. I don't know if it's because I run out of stuff to read on my regular sites & stumble upon works with substance, or if maybe I get to thinking about deeper things due to no one else being up & it's truly a feeling of being alone. I like it, though.

When this happens, I plan. I make big plans. I'm going to start working out again. Or better yet, I'll start writing something more than some crappy blogs every so often. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll start reading books that are stimulating. OR! I might start playing the piano after my almost 6 year hiatus. Hey, if I do that, I could possibly start doing art again. I was a pretty good at pottery & incorporating mixed media into sculptures back in the day.

It's also this time of night when I hope to start eating healthier, & cooking for myself instead of eating out almost every meal. I might even become a better cook...

It's this time of night when I truly come alive. I feel like I'm a different person. I'm closer to the person I want to be, as well as the person I believe I actually am.

But then I have to go to sleep & begin the whole ordeal over again. Bitchy customers, work, family drama, & depression take hold of me once again.

On another note, I'm an awesome model. Admire my hanging arm shelf.

She's Baaaaaack

2012-01-15T20:29:00.002-05:00

Remember Christy? The girl with Down's Syndrome who wouldn't leave me alone?

Well, after I blocked her number a few months ago, everything seemed ok, more or less. I'd get the occasional Facebook message from someone in my old church telling me that Christy had been talking about her "best friend Andrew". She even dedicated a song to me that she sang in front of the entire church. Oh, how joyful I was when I found out. I was even more thrilled when I found out that the song was "Jesus Take The Wheel." Sigh.

Anyway, the temporary block on her number has stopped & the texting & calling has begun again. Literally, as soon as the messages started coming to me, they did. Which means she had been texting & calling me non-stop for months. Let me remind you that I have not spoken to this girl since September. I know she has special needs but this is ridiculous.

So now I just did another block on her number, as well as for her mother; both of these will expire in April. So we'll see what happens then.

Over it.

iFail

2012-01-12T01:42:00.000-05:00

Remember back when I used to post on this piece of shit pretty regularly?

Yeah, me neither.

Anyway, I assure you all that I am indeed alive & somewhat well. In the next few days I shall regale you with some crappy story that either just happened or happened a long time ago. I haven't decided yet.

Don't forget about me!

Treatment

2011-12-21T02:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I took my grandma to her first chemo treatment. It went really well, despite it taking an eternity & them bruising the crap out of her hand trying to draw blood.

After the treatment was over I took her to my job to wait for my cousin & her daughter to pick her up & take her to our hometown so I didn't have to drive all the way back there (an hour). She told me, "Andrew, I'll always remember you were the one who was with me for my first treatment." That's right!

On Christmas, EVERYONE is supposed to be coming over. This will be the first time in years that this will happen. Even though there will be one less person (my grandpa), there will be more babies. My grandmother. All 5 of her kids (living) kids. The 3 in-laws. All 10 grandkids. 5 of their spouses. And all 10 great-grandkids. In a doublewide trailer. It's going to be a glorious trainwreck. Since everyone will be there & considering the circumstances, we're going to take some family pictures. That'll be interesting. The last family picture we had done was just the grandkids when I was the baby of the family (back in 1987).

I promise to post some different material in the next few days. I think I know what my next post is going to be, but I've been debating about whether or not I want to actually write it because of how embarrassing it is.

Long Road Ahead

2011-12-17T04:16:00.003-05:00

As mentioned in my vlog, my grandmother has a brain tumor. Obviously, that sucks donkey dick. We got the biopsy results back yesterday & we found out that the tumor is at Stage 3 & is malignant. The prognosis is that she has a 50% chance of living a year with the chemo & radiation, & if she is in the survival part of the 50% there's a 25% chance she'll live an extra year. The medicine they're going to use for her is $10,000 per dose. Seriously. What the crap. Luckily she has insurance, but regardless of that she still has a 20% co-pay.

After losing my grandfather (her husband) back in March, this has been a very bad year for our family. We were all kind of dreading Christmas because of how...weird it would be with him gone (though he usually sat back & made smart-ass comments). So on top of that, we all have to deal with the fact that there is a very good chance this is her last Christmas, too.

She's so wobbly now that a lot of us are taking turns staying with her at night in case she falls. Sunday night is my turn, which means I may not get to watch the "Survivor" finale (go Sophie!). Then on Monday morning I'm taking her to Duke to her first chemo session. That's awesome.

Her with Baby Me. My grandfather is in the chair behind us.

That Time I Turned 25 & Assaulted Someone

2011-12-07T17:44:00.011-05:00

So remember a while back when I said that I would post about my 25th birthday that occurred in July? Well, now it's finally time to make that happen.

To start off with, I woke up to a bazillion Facebook notifications from people that don't normally talk to me, as is their wont. Then Madison came over & gave me these awesome shoes.

My feet aren't actually that big.

Then we went to the place where we get our piercings done. She got the back of her neck pierced for the 3rd time (long story) & I finally got an industrial piercing like I've wanted for an eternity.

Success!

After that, I had dinner with my small group from church. That was pretty uneventful, as was the barhopping afterwards. I was photographed all sweaty & gross with Katie.

Gross!

After we took that picture, Katie & I went downstairs to get some more drinks & unfortunately missed this redneck girl giving some guy a lap dance. My church friends decided that it was time to hightail it out of there, so off we went. Then this guy from my group, Brad (who was really drunk) became very belligerent & yelling at passersby (on top of making a lot of sexist & misogynistic comments). I was trying to calm him down & get him to shut up. Eventually he left (drunk. We tried to stop him but he wouldn't not).

But Brad isn't done! You see, he had seen Madison on my Facebook & had been messaging her. I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of terrible at being able to tell whether or not people are a good fit for one another, so I just told her to give him a chance; however, she was already grossed out by him before they met because of some of the texts he had sent. Anyway, the night after my birthday I had a party with the people from work & anyone else who wanted to come. Well, since Madison was going to be there Brad wanted to be there as well. He showed up at the restaurant & would hardly talk to anyone. And when he did, he was incredibly judgmental & kind of an ass. Now, I'm not going to say that any of the rest of us handled the situation very well, but needless to say he left before the party resumed at my place.

Once we got to my place, everyone proceeded to drink a bit. I was good for a while, until close to the end when people were starting to leave & that asshole Sam got me to start doing shots (I never do shots). After having had about 4 beers previously, the 4 to 5 Malibu shots kind of sent me over the edge.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, when I get really...drinky...I begin shedding clothes. First was my shirt...

That's Kristin. She's important in a minute.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending...) there are no pictures of me once I got into my underwear. Anyway, for some reason or another I went up to my room & as I was coming back down the stairs I fell. Luckily I didn't go head over ass or anything like that. I just fell & kind of...slid down. Anyway, when I reached the bottom, Kristin, who was also not in her most lucid mind, threw a cookie at me. This cookie hit me in the mouth & gosh darn it, it hurt! I wasn't going to stand for that so I chucked my phone at her. Surprisingly, drunk me has better aim than sober me because the next thing I see is Kristin's head flying back as my phone made contact with her face.

As was seen in one of the first pictures on here, my phone is really big (a Droid). This next picture is the aftermath...

Kristin, with ice on her lip & blood on the floor next to her, waving at the camera.

After that, I called it a night & went upstairs. Then the stomachy feeling started & I took my pillow & a blanket in with me to the bathroom, where I proceeded to puke off & on for about an hour, all the while having "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse stuck in my head. I was upset about her dying earlier that day, so having that particular song & her dead voice stuck in my head while I was already sick just made it worse.

After that, I realized that I needed to get my shit together. I've only been really drunk once since then, but I've made a concerted effort to cut back on the drinking. I'm 25 years old & don't need to be throwing shit at people.

Trajectory

2011-12-06T04:20:00.004-05:00

In the past few days, I've been reading the book "Just Kids" by singer/songwriter Patti Smith. It chronicles her life as an emerging artist in New York during the late 1960's & beyond, as well as her relationship/then friendship with photographer Robert Mapplethorpe (spoiler alert! He was a gay!). My favorite genre to read is memoir, so I'm eating this shit up like ice cream.

On the positive/negative side, aside from entertaining me, it has made me question my own existence on this earth. Am I here to make a difference? What am I supposed to do with my time here? This contemplation, coupled with the stuff I discussed in my vlog, leave me feeling quite burdened & overwhelmed.

Well, regardless of that, I must get ready for work. As I always say, "Caribou Coffee: We're Up Before God." My other slogan is, "Caribou Coffee: Eh, Close Enough."

Depression! School! Cancer! Vlog!

2011-11-30T22:50:00.003-05:00

Remember back in the day when I used to post on here? Well, here's an update on everything that's been going on this past month.

Also, it's my first vlog!

I haven't slept much the past few nights so I look pretty tired. Deal with it.

Cat Eyes

2011-10-26T14:50:00.004-04:00

This isn't the story people voted to read, so tough titties. It has more to do with creepy stuff & Halloween & such as. Also? It's a true story of something that happened to my mom.

When my mom was a little girl, she noticed that above the bedpost near her head there was a pair of what appeared to be cat eyes looking down on her; the more she looked, the more she felt comforted. But as she got older, she began to see the eyes less & less. However, they still followed her as she moved from Raleigh (where she was born) to Rocky Mount (where she moved when she was 12).

Child Mommy

Once she became an adult, she didn't see the cat eyes anymore. She got married & moved to Atlanta where she began teaching. But then out of nowhere, she came home one day to her husband kicking her out & demanding a divorce. This prompted a move back home. As she struggled with the divorce & depression, the cat eyes returned. But this time, the eyes weren't as comforting. They had a yellowish tint to them, & had a more sinister appearance. After a while, as she began to overcome the obstacles & started dating the doofus that would eventually become my father, the eyes lost their power over her & eventually they disappeared altogether.

Post-cat eyes Mommy

I don't know if all of you's guys believe in spiritual stuff, but my parents & I do & we firmly believe that there was some demonic hanky panky going on up in this piece.

Also, this story is a lot better when told rather than written.

Stop The Insanity

2011-10-17T23:57:00.004-04:00

Remember my posts about the girl with Down's Syndrome who wouldn't leave me alone?

Well, that situation hasn't resolved itself. After telling her I couldn't continue communicating with her, she got her mother involved. Then I blocked her number. Then she started e-mailing me. And she's also gotten people who go to her church (the same church that I went to from 10-15) that I'm friends with on Facebook to message me & find out where I am & how she can continue to contact me.

How is this even happening?

Also, I will be posting more in the next few days, seeing as my classwork has died down some. Only have one more assignment left, though that one can potentially make or break whether or not I pass the class. Also, it combined with the class I finished last week left me randomly bursting into tears.

But it's grad school. It's ok to cry.

In The Meantime...

2011-10-14T11:00:00.003-04:00

Give me about another week or so to finish up some important school stuff & I assure you that I shall be blogging again regularly.

In the meantime, here's my favorite picture in the world.

3 year old me with Mommy on dress-up day at preschool!

You Pick The Story...Again

2011-09-30T12:32:00.001-04:00

I don't really have very good material right now so I'm going to give you guys 3 topics to vote on. Whichever has the highest number of votes by the end of the weekend gets written.

1. My first memories
2. My unhappy tenure at Jersey Mike's Subs
3. My 25th birthday

Vote. If no one votes like last time then I don't write one. That'll be a good punishment. That'll show you.

Promise

2011-09-26T12:22:00.002-04:00

I promise I haven't gone anywhere. I've just been really busy with school, napping, & work & unfortunately my blog has fallen to the wayside. However, I am hoping to change that. In my head I'm formulating a list of different posts I want to do soon.

In the meantime, here is the scariest picture of my dad that has ever been taken.

He didn't have his beard for long & thankfully he was rid of it by the time he dated my mom. I'm pretty sure if he had that when they met I wouldn't have been born.

Day 1

2011-09-12T21:26:00.001-04:00

Today was the first day of my intensive. To say that I was unenthusiastic about this would possibly be the worst understatement of...everything. Just...everything.

As soon as I get into the classroom I take the seat closest to the door in the back row. It pretty much completely lived up to my expectations, which is to say I was miserable & bored the majority of the time. The women sitting in front of me were trouble from the start, what with their laughing at stupid comments & looking just as pleased as punch to be there.

Trouble

As the class proceeded, I began texting more & more. I did not learn a single thing today because this is my 4th damn time taking this stupid class. When I wasn't making this face...

That face

I was making this face...

I seriously wasn't trying to be a turd. I talked to a few people, but I just wasn't very outgoing in approaching my classmates as the other people were. Because I'm always SO outgoing. I talked to the maternal black lady who sat next to me & a few people on my lunch break. The same lunch break where we were all given a speech about "Jerry Falwell's vision" (the only time the entire day I rolled my eyes!).

Then the bus left without some of us. Whatever.

However, once we split into smaller groups & got to actually do counseling stuff I came out of my shell. And everyone who I was in a group with, as well as one of the professors, told me how good I was. Well, I sure as shit better be as many times I've taken this damn class.

But seriously though, it feels good to know that I have something I'm good at since I don't feel so hot at most things. We'll see how the rest of the week goes.

Where I Was

2011-09-11T22:31:00.000-04:00

This title has two meanings.

The first is in regards to why I haven't posted or commented in almost 2 weeks. I honestly just haven't had much of anything to talk about. On top of all of that I've been ridiculously overwhelmed by school. In fact, I'm currently in Virginia until Friday because I have to do in-class training for a class I already took in Florida. But they wouldn't take the credit. I'm not bitter.

But anyway, that is something of a segue because the next part of this post is about 9/11. Because of course.

It's kind of funny because exactly 10 years ago today I was in Virginia on a family vacation with my parents. In fact, it was one of our last vacations we ever took. Not because my parents divorced or one of them died. No, we just never went on vacations. But that's another post entirely.

ANYway. My story about 9/11.

I was 15 & still home schooled. My parents & I had gone to Williamsburg because I was a nerd, loved history, & loved seeing underpaid actors dressed in humiliating outfits even more. Our plan was to just do the Colonial Williamsburg thing for most of the week. My dad & I might go to Busch Gardens at some point. And on September 12? Oh, on September 12 we were going to go to Washington D.C.

On that fateful morning, I woke up at exactly at 9:00am. My first thought? "Oh! 'Regis & Kelly' is on!". So I turned on the TV to see what wacky hijinks those two were getting themselves into that day. Only when I turned the TV on...it was Bryant Gumble talking & they were showing video from New York of some buildings smoking. What the hell? I went into my parents' room where they were watching HGTV & told them to turn on the news. Then we all just watched the rest of everything happen in complete shock. After both of the buildings had fallen & things had sort of calmed down my parents decided to go to Colonial Williamsburg (I think they were trying to protect me in case something else happened) where my mother was in tears a few times when she saw patriotic things.

As the week progressed, I became more & more irritated. Those terrorists were so selfish, ruining my vacation. I almost threw up one night while watching the news & they showed a video of people falling out of the Towers. Disgusting. It's still imprinted on my brain.

And I still haven't been to Washington D.C.

Guess Who May Be Moving...Again

2011-08-30T00:14:00.003-04:00

You'll never figure it out.

As the situation stands, I can stay where I am until April/May of next year. That's until my roommate's girlfriend moves in after she graduates & they get engaged. However, I have the opportunity to move in with Sam & Madison (who are now friends, WTF?!) this fall, & I think I may take it up. I just don't want to be in a position when it's time to move where I don't have anyone to live with again because if there's anything I've learned in life, it's that people are not dependable.

As you may remember, Sam is the one who I was going to move in with last year & then got cold feet, which resulted in me moving in with Skidmark (*shivers*). However, he's more financially independent, mature, & hates living at home. Madison has never lived away from home before, but she makes enough at our job that she should be fine. Especially since everything would be split 3 ways.

I have some reservations, mainly being that this particular combination won't be the best, living with someone who is 19, & having to move in general. I also don't want to screw over my roommate now, but he micromanages everything too much. I don't have hardly anything downstairs but if I leave something out or use it, he takes it upon himself to clean/move it. Everything has to be put away the instant it's not being used. I'll make some spaghetti (successfully) & go upstairs to eat it. I'll be up there for maybe 15 or 20 minutes. I come back down? He's already cleaned everything. I just hate feeling like a slob because of it. And instead of talking to me about stuff he just leaves notes. The dryer was too full. You didn't clean the beer-spill well enough. Make sure the detergent gets in the washer (I still have no idea what the hell he's talking about with that). Plus, I feel so awkward when his girlfriend is here. The very same girlfriend who has lived here since May. Sigh.

But yeah, I don't want to screw him over. He's nice & I enjoy his company (when I leave my room & we feel like talking to each other). Luckily I didn't sign a lease & we just agreed I'd give a notice if I was leaving sooner than the expected time.

Who knows what'll happen. We're going to try to see a place over in the area where I used to live with Skidmark. It sounds pretty awesome.

Mac & Cheese Fail

2011-08-28T14:15:00.003-04:00

This post is inspired by a cook who may be worse than I, the Vapid Vixen over at the Ginja Ninja.

In my mind, I've always considered myself to be a decent cook. Oh look! Those noodles turned out fantastic! And I added just the right amount of canned sauce! Boom!

In reality though, I'd say I'm slightly sub par. I try to be creative! When I was about 11, I invented a salad that had chewing gum in it. I thought I was hot shit with that, too. My poor mother....trying to eat it...(that's what she said).

As I've gotten older, my skills haven't improved; if anything, I've just become more dangerous. When I was 14 I tried to cook a grilled cheese sandwich & didn't know to not to cook it on high. So I did. Then I came back into the kitchen to find it & the connected den were filled with smoke & the sandwich was essentially charcoal. We learned 3 things that day: not to cook sandwiches on high, that the smoke detector didn't work, & that I was dangerous.

Then there was the time I substituted soy milk for regular milk in my oatmeal (I despise milk). Judging by the size it grew to & the taste, that was unsuccessful. Also? That's what she said. I tried to use soy milk when making fettuccine alfredo as well. Epic, epic, EPIC fail.

There have been other kitchen disasters between then & the story I'm about to share, but this one was quite dangerous so I'm going to skip to it...it was Friday night & I was craving some Kraft Deluxe mac & cheese. That junk is banging. Anyway, I start the water & go upstairs to my room to finish watching the episode of "Big Brother" from the night before. After I'm done, I go back downstairs because Sam had come over to watch a movie & that's when I hear the rumbling in the kitchen.

Shit.

The burner was such a beautiful shade of bright orange, I almost didn't want to turn the stove off. But I did, because duh. After the dust had settled, I was left with these images...

In this one, if you look closely, you can see where the pot began to bubble.

So now I have to go buy a new pot for myself & a new...whatever that thing is that goes on the stove. I don't know. I still want my mac & cheese.

This Is What Happened....

2011-08-22T00:02:00.005-04:00

It looks like I'm going to have to change my phone number.

I told Christy today that I had gotten her texts while my phone was "broken" & that I thought it was best we didn't talk anymore. That we didn't have anything in common. She called me immediately. I didn't answer & texted her back to not call me. She left me a 3 minute long voicemail, most of which was her forgetting to hang up. Sigh....

She started texting me again tonight when she apologized. I told her that I didn't think that was necessary because she hadn't done anything wrong. My whole thing with responding was that I didn't want her feeling bad when she didn't need to. But that opened up the floodgates again...

Then she started asking me why I said what I said, & that our old pastor told her he misses me & wants me to come back. I ignored that one.

Then she told me she had two questions for me. The first was if we were still best friends. I asked her what the second question was as my response. The other was why I told her not to call me. Sigh.

She's currently pestering me about forgetting her birthday & not going to her birthday dinner.

What drives me crazy about all of this is knowing that her grown-ass parents are there probably encouraging this. I mean, I told your daughter that I didn't want to be friends anymore & you're still giving her help on what to say?! Then again, letting her have a Facebook & giving her a phone with texting is much better than actually spending time with their handicapped daughter.

This has to get nipped in the bud pronto.

Slow On The Uptake

2011-08-17T19:47:00.002-04:00

I know Christy has some very special needs, but she's still texting me. I haven't responded in a week after I told her my phone was messed up (& it legitimately was). But so far, every day, she texts me multiple times asking, "What r u doing?" I really don't know what to do at this point...

I need to get a new phone number anyway. My number now is from when I lived in Georgia, so anyone that calls me locally has to deal with long-distance. So if I change my number, that takes care of that particular issue. Plus it gets rid of a few other people I'm ready to have out of my life. But is it bad that part of me kind of enjoys the attention? I think it does.

On another note, I got a new phone. Because all of my Verizon phones have been defective, this is my 6th phone in 2 years. Over it.

Also, I'm using my mom's laptop again because the hard-drive that was recently put into mine was defective. Then I couldn't get Word to load, which made doing my homework a pain. But now Word is working, & doing my homework is still a pain. Do not want.

Fin.

That Time I Could Have Had A Girlfriend

2011-08-12T19:03:00.003-04:00

As most people know, I'm not exactly someone who dates a lot; my last relationship was over 2 years ago, & I haven't dated since. Not because I'm so damaged from that relationship that it has impeded my ability to ever love again. No, that lasted a month. And she was 17 while I was 22. And she was a junior in high school while I was a senior in college. But that's another story. The reason I don't date now is a mixture of shyness, anxiety, depression, laziness, & not being interested.

Since beggars can't be choosers, you'd think I might snatch up any chance I had to date someone. And you may be right in some respects. So maybe I'm crazy, but this week I passed up the chance to date a girl from my hometown. She texted me non-stop & would literally beg to see me. The reason why I decided against it?

She had Down's Syndrome.

I'm not a hater. My mom is a special education teacher so I've grown up being sensitive to those with special needs & disabilities. And this post isn't meant to be in poor taste or to make fun of her because of her disability. Not at all. This is just me relaying yet another ridiculous story in my life.

Anyway, Christy (not her name) & I were friends a long time ago. After my parents & I moved to Rocky Mount, we began attending the same church as Christy & her parents, Donna & Mark (not their names either). My mother became friends with Donna, so Christy & I were naturally forced together. However, it became apparent pretty quickly that we were just being used as free babysitters, & a few years later Donna dropped my mom like a hot rock when a better friendship option presented itself. I didn't mind, because Christy was a terror. Her parents let her do whatever she wanted & didn't seem to take into account that she was handicapped. That might have required effort.

So about a year ago Christy added me on Facebook, as is her wont to do. She asked for my number & I gave it to her, but nothing came of it. Eventually, as I was going through one of my rage-induced friend cleanses on Facebook, I deleted her. Well this past week she added me again, then called me immediately afterwards before I could respond to her friend request. We talked for a few minutes, & when I hung up she began to text me non-stop. Shortly after that was when she asked me point-blank if I would let her be my girlfriend.

Shit.

I told her I didn't think that was a good idea because I didn't think of her that way, saw her as a little sister, blah blah blah. She didn't like that response, because she spent the next 3 days trying to convince/manipulate me into getting into a relationship with her, even going so far as to say that I was her only chance. She tried to get me to move back to Rocky Mount, & when I told her I didn't want to because I didn't like it there, she said that meant that I didn't like her. Where was she getting this crap?!

She invited me to her birthday dinner, & then asked me immediately afterwards what I was getting her. I told her that was rude to ask, & she took that to mean that I was calling her rude. She is, but that wasn't what I was saying at the moment. After a few days of this kind of manipulation & constant texting where she's always asking me what I was doing & literally BEGGING to see me, I had had enough. I blocked her on Facebook & told her that my phone was messing up & that I couldn't text anymore. That isn't a lie, either. My phone really is messed up & it takes an eternity to type out a text message.

Part of me feels bad for not being willing to continue this, but it isn't fair for either one of us. It keeps her thinking more is going on than it is, while at the same time it drives me crazy with the constant texting & brings back bad memories.

But really all I want to know is how she was able to text so well. The thought of someone helping her write that crap is almost more infuriating than the whole situation in itself.

My Ailment

2011-08-11T23:51:00.003-04:00

Got my test results back (only because I got sick of waiting & called them myself). It turns out I'm low on Vitamin D, so I got a supplement for it. We'll see what happens.

I've been feeling really crappy lately, so I forced myself to go hiking with Madison yesterday. The trail we were supposed to take was supposed to only be 4 miles (meh) but ended up almost being 6 miles. Other than being out of breath for a little bit of it, I did really well & had a good time. I used to love hiking & exploring in the woods at my grandma's house when I was younger, & then again when I lived in Georgia. Maybe I've finally found a hobby after 25 years.

The phone I got in April is broken. Again. New phone is on its way, which means it's the 6th phone I've had in 2 years. Screw you, Verizon.

A lot has been happening, most of which I can't post about on here (yet). But along with my birthday story, I've got another one coming up.

I'm Not Dead (But I May Be Close)

2011-08-06T23:51:00.003-04:00

My lab results from my visit to the doctor aren't back yet. They were supposed to be back on Wednesday. Hmmmmm...

My computer is messing up again. It seemed like it was a nasty virus but my cousin Amber's husband works on computers & it turns out it is probably one of the memory sticks. So there's that.

All I want to do right now is listen to Journey. Who cares if they lack substance. That ish is good.

I'll do a real update soon. Right now I'm just too tired & not feeling up to doing much more than this.

M.I.A.

2011-08-04T00:32:00.002-04:00

I've been M.I.A. lately. Just haven't really felt up to reading, writing, or commenting. Hopefully I'll be back more consistently in the next few days.

Uncle Harold Died

2011-07-31T22:04:00.006-04:00

A few weeks ago I got a text from my mother that my great-Uncle Harold had died.

I was quite surprised, seeing as the last time I saw him he seemed totally fine. I've kind of always thought he was a turd & a half, but still...dying sucks.

My mind immediately went back to the last time I saw him, which was a little over a month ago at a family reunion. We didn't speak, of course. That's par for the course for us. We spoke a little bit back in March when we were all dealing with my grandfather dying. But that isn't the norm. I'm not one to hold a grudge generally, especially if the slight wasn't directed at me, but he really screwed my dad over. Back in 1999-2000, my dad was the music minister at the church he grew up in (still attended by my grandparents & other assorted relatives). But Uncle Harold had my father, who was his nephew, removed from the position. I'm not sure of the reason, other than he was trying to get control of the church. And guess what: he ran that church right into the ground. It's now one of those black churches with four different names in the title like Father of Grace Deliverance Tabernacle or some shit.

Ahem. As I was saying, I don't generally hold a grudge but that really pissed me off. You just don't do that to family. At least not to close family. But after that whenever I'm around him I keep my distance. But unfortunately at the last family reunion in June I couldn't avoid him due to the circumstances. I had taken a leak & as I was exiting the stall, Uncle Harold was coming in. We didn't speak. I saw him sit down on the toilet. I washed my hands super quickly & ran out of the bathroom. And that was the last memory I would ever have of my beloved Uncle Harold.

That is until my mom texted me back & told me it was actually my great-Uncle Harold on her side of the family. False alarm!

Doctor Time

2011-07-29T13:13:00.004-04:00

I think I'm going to make an appointment to see the doctor while I still have insurance (my mom can retire in February, plus I'm getting old). I'm not necessarily sick, but something just feels off. Well, more off than usual.

Aside from my usual anxiety & depression crap, I'm just exhausted all the time. At this point I'm struggling to get my homework done because just thinking about starting it wears me out & I then I find myself taking a 5 hour nap. I'm getting it done, but I'm stressed out the whole time because I dicked around all week because I was napping or watching TV because I was stressed out.

My room is a mess right now because I start thinking about how I need to clean it & then I start to worry about where I'm going to put it. Then I get tired & just give up. There are two piles of books on either side of my bed. They've been there for weeks & I have no idea what to do with them.

Riveting stuff.

Kill me.

I have no energy to read much for pleasure. It takes too much effort. Even watching TV or getting on the internet takes too much energy.

I had been worried I was overwhelmingly lazy, but my counselor doesn't think it's that. He suggested that I might as well get it figured out while I still have insurance, in case it's something more serious than we think.

And just so everyone knows, if I start thinking about exercising that almost does me in. I've had a yoga mat for almost a month that I haven't even unrolled. I don't think it's my diet either, because I eat quite a bit of fruits, veggies, & grains.

I'm not really concerned. Just pissed off more than anything.

Birthday Story 3: The Time I Threw Up

2011-07-22T00:59:00.003-04:00

The birthday I think I'm the most proud of at this point in my life involves vomit. Of course.

It was my 23rd birthday. I had planned to visit some friends from college in Ohio (there seems to be an absurd amount of people from Ohio where I went to college) & figured I'd go during my birthday because then I had a better chance of having fun. We'll see about that...

For my actual birthday, I was celebrating with Robyn & Neil. At the time, they were living together in an apartment connected to Robyn's dad's apartment. However, Robyn was essentially living with his girlfriend (the same girlfriend he visited me with last summer) so I basically just stayed with Neil. Anyway.

The 3 of us, Robyn's girlfriend, & his dad (who is awesome) went to some Mexican restaurant. It just happened to be margarita night. Because THAT'S always a good idea. Robyn's dad bought us some pitchers, but they tasted kind of funny. All of us thought so. That didn't prevent me from drinking 3 glasses of some of the jankiest margaritas ever, though.

So after dinner we went to see "Bruno" (I know...). By this point, I'm feeling like warmed-over shit. We get in the theater & I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I don't puke. I don't pee. I'm just...in there. Then I go back to the theater. Then back to the bathroom where I don't do anything. This continues for the first part of the movie. By about the halfway point, I gave up & just stayed in the bathroom, where I proceeded to fall asleep sitting on the floor in the stall while leaning against the wall. At least I think that's how I fell asleep. I'm going to tell myself to remember it that way because the thought of me falling asleep on a public bathroom floor any other way is too frightening.

I had been gone so long that Robyn eventually came to get me. He forced me up, told me I wasn't that drunk (he was wrong) & I saw the end of the movie. I was not impressed.

We finally got back to the apartment where I went to sit on the bed. After a few minutes I got that feeling. You know the one (well, you do unless you're Aubree) after you've drank too much & you know exactly what the outcome is going to be. So I hurried as fast as I could to the bathroom. And I puked. A few times.

I tell you what though, I felt awesome afterwards. I laid on the bed & listened to Neil, Robyn, & Sarah talk for a bit. Then I wasn't even drunk anymore & I had so much energy! That is until I got a call from Alexa who was wishing me a happy birthday & also to tell me her cat of 16 years had died.

Also, a few days later I went back with some other people to see "Bruno" while I was sober. I liked it better when I was borderline comatose & not actually in the theater.

Birthday Story 2

2011-07-20T23:50:00.002-04:00

For my 21st birthday, I was in Rocky Mount for the summer. As I've mentioned before, I began drinking when I was 20 so it didn't really matter to me much; besides, I didn't have any friends in Rocky Mount so I had no expectations. Plus! My birthday was on a Sunday in the south, which meant that most places were going to be dry (no alcohol served, because God only cares what you do on Sunday).

My dad had already moved to Toccoa for his job, so my mom & I went to their church. At that point, I still had a smidge of a relationship with some of the youth/young adults at the church so I asked some of them what they were doing after church as far as lunch. I told them it was my birthday & I would like to go somewhere. Well, they would only go to lunch at Golden Corral (a buffet). I decided that wasn't going to be my birthday lunch so my mom & I went to Chili's. It was as good as Chili's is going to be. Especially without alcohol.

We went back to the house & my mom started nagging me to try to hang out with ANYONE I could find, just so I wouldn't be alone. I tried another guy at the church, but he didn't want to do anything so I said, "Fuck it" & went to the damn mall by myself. When I got there, I bought myself some clothes for a present (I had already gotten stuff from my parents & grandma). Then I went to Blockbuster (ha! Old school) to rent something but couldn't find anything. Drat!

So then I went to my grandma's house & watched Disney Channel.

Happy 21st to me!

Birthday Story 1

2011-07-18T16:34:00.003-04:00

It's my birthday week, so every day this week I'm going to post a story about some past birthday extravaganza or whatever. Since I don't have much time today I'm going to write a short piece about my one & only surprise party.

When I was 15, I was well aware of the fact that I didn't have many friends (I had literally 1 friend). As my 16th birthday approached, I told my mother that I wanted a surprise party. She said ok. Well, that was easy.

The day after my birthday was a Wednesday which meant I had youth group at church. As my dad & I were heading there (my mom was already conveniently there) my dad took a wrong turn "accidently". I thought it was really stupid, but I sometimes think my dad is stupid so it wasn't THAT big of a stretch. We finally got to the church & my 1 friend Cooper was there. He kept talking to me & talking to me & trying to distract me but I hate being late so I pushed by him into the youth room. That was when I saw my mom, my youth leader, & about 5 other youth group members just...in there.

I ruined the surprise.

.....surprise......

On top of that, my mother didn't tell anyone in advance so hardly anyone had shown up, nor did I get any presents. At least she tried.

But hey, it's better than how my ACTUAL birthday had been the day before. I had gone to driver's ed, then gone to Raleigh for a terrible counseling session, followed by Olive Garden where I almost immediately had an allergic reaction to something & my father had to literally carry me out of the restaurant because I couldn't walk.

The Furry

2011-07-14T01:44:00.006-04:00

Do you guys know what furries are?

These are furries.

Ever since I heard of furries, I've been completely fascinated by them. My first experience with them was while watching "The Shining" when things are going batshit crazy near the end & there are some furries getting/giving head in a room or whatever. Next came an early episode of "CSI" where there was a furry convention. That episode was very enjoyable for me.

To me, furries were like God's little joke. Kind of like kids with red hair & Ross Perot.

Well, my last year in college at Toccoa I got a text from Caitlin asking me if I had seen the kid walking around campus with a tail. She was confused as to what was going on, but I immediately got ridiculously excited.

Could...could there be a real live furry at my conservative Christian college? Was it possible for me to receive a blessing of such magnitude?

Shortly afterward, Alexa texted me about the furry. Yes. I was that lucky. There really was a furry there. The campus was so small that it was now only a matter of time before I crossed paths with him.

The first time I saw him, it was from a distance. I did an actual double-take. Sure enough, there was a guy walking around in an ill-fitting shirt, jeans, ugly sandals, & a tail tied to his waist (I remember the entire outfit because it was so bizarre). After that, I saw him everywhere. Cafeteria? He was there. The dorm? He was there. Chapel? You best believe he was there with that tail blowing carelessly in the breeze behind him.

Word got out that he view this whole furry shtick as his "ministry." He felt that by dressing as one of them it would make it easier to infiltrate their ranks & tell them about Jesus. Because you know, there was such a huge furry population in Toccoa, Georgia. If he wanted to dress like an STD or an inbreed, I could understand that because those are actual epidemics there. Furries? Not so much.

Eventually, the administration told him he couldn't wear his tail to class; he got by this rule by tucking his tail into his jeans. He also continued to not shower, as his friends were also wont to do. Because you know, it takes a lot of time out of your busy schedule of playing video games, Dungeons & Dragons, & planning your next cosplay to shower.

I believe our dear furry friend was only a student at TFC for one year. After that, I graduated but I heard he didn't come back the next year. I wonder what Skidmark would have thought about him...

That Time I Almost Got Kicked Out Of College

2011-07-12T16:10:00.002-04:00

I've alluded to this post a few times, & now it's time for y'all to experience the wonder.

Are you ready?

It was literally a day before Spring Break my second year at Toccoa. I was driving down the main road with Ij (short for Italian Job, a name Alexa gave him because he looks Italian but he isn't) when he got a call from his hysterical girlfriend, LL. Apparently, she had been called to meet with one of the deans of the school because someone had read LL's Xanga in which she wrote about a get-together at The Mayor of Creepsville's house where there was some alcohol consumed; that person then printed off a copy of the post & gave it to the dean. Since we attended a school that rewarded this kind of behavior. Drinking was a big no-no regardless of age or whether or not you lived on campus. The most common form of punishment for such a heinous activity was a crap-ton of gratis (which, as I have mentioned before, is like community service around campus), suspension, or expulsion. So obviously, LL being really upset was understandable. I felt really bad for her.

That is until about 2 hours later when I got a text from Christian, who was currently the SGA president: the dean wanted to speak to me. Shit. I still had about an hour left of my shift (back in the day when I was a host at Applebee's & thought working lunch was good), & that entire time I almost had an anxiety attack. I had no idea whether I was going to be forced to testify LL or anyone else, or whether I had been thrown under the bus as well. Either way, I hurried over to the school after work to go ahead & get it over with...

Now, the dean is a reasonably nice person. He has a very... calming demeanor. I sat down & he told me how he had already spoken to LL about her Xanga post, & then went into reading quotes from it. This was when I learned that LL included all of the names of the people who had been at the party (of which I was included). Now, I can understand why she would think it was ok to put our names. I mean, it was 2008 & homeslice was still writing on Xanga. Nobody had been reading that shit for years. But seriously?! You're going to post on a public forum that anyone can read that you had been drinking & include the names of everyone there? Idiot.

The kicker? I didn't even drink that time. I wasn't even going to go because it was at The Mayor of Creepsville's house (THAT'S going to be a fun post...) but I had gotten in a fight with my dad (who I was living with at the time since he was working in the same town I went to college) & left to hang out with Ij. I stayed maybe an hour & smoked one cigarette. And all of this crap was happening to me.

Sometimes I make really bad choices.

I explained all of this to the dean, who didn't seem mad at all. I didn't like that. I need the other person to react one way or the other so I can react. I obviously don't do well making my own choices. He was just really quiet. And that's when I started talking...running my mouth about how I thought I had a drinking problem because I would physically feel pain if I didn't drink. How it ran on both sides of my family. How I could just drink & drink & be drunk but not stop or get sick.

Jesus.

That was when the entire mood of the meeting changed. Now he wanted to fix me. Well, at least I didn't think I would get kicked out anymore! So there was that. He decided to have weekly accountability meetings with me to make sure I was overcoming my plight as a potential alcoholic. I thought that wouldn't be so bad. But then the mood changed to one slightly more ominous. This was when the dean wanted me to tell him who Ij was (only his first name was in the Xanga post). I didn't want to do it. I really didn't want to be a snake. But I knew I had no choice because it would potentially get me in more trouble, plus the fact that I knew he probably already knew. So I told him.

He talked to Ij later that day, as well as the other 3 guys involved (The Mayor of Creepsville, a ginger kid that may not have any functioning brain cells, & the guy who died earlier this year). They set up a meeting for all of us to get together after Spring Break, & basically all that ended up being was the dean & another dean telling us why we were wrong for drinking & The Mayor of Creepsville trying to debate them. While everyone got involved for the most part, I kept my mouth shut.

I was surprised, but none of us got suspended, expelled, or at the very least gratis. It was just really odd how it all worked out, especially when we were basically completely screwed. In fact, there was a group of people who got busted for drinking around the same time & they all got a lot of gratis & weren't allowed to play on their respective sports teams for the rest of the year. I know they may have been held to a higher standard, but I was really involved on SGA & the dean did mention that I may need to be removed if my behavior didn't change. But that was that.

In the end, I distanced myself from that group. LL left school at the end of that semester. I continued to keep my distance from The Mayor of Creepsville. I also avoided the dead guy because he was an ass. The ginger? We never really hung out much anyway. Ij ended up getting kicked out the next year because of alcohol (& because The Mayor of Creepsville sucks).

I ended up going about a month without drinking, until this horrible night when Ij & LL had sex in my dad's bed. I also continued going to the accountability meetings until I realized that all the dean wanted was to use me as a narc since he knew that while I didn't hang out with people much, I knew a lot of what was happening with people. So I quit going.

And Spring Break? It was decent fun in Daytona until I kind of realized that one of the only reasons I was invited was because I had a car. Assholes.

Motivation Stimulation

2011-07-06T15:10:00.003-04:00

As I sit on my bed, I think about how badly I need to get my homework done. Why am I not doing it? Why am I procrastinating?

The answer is...I just don't know. I don't consider myself a lazy person. I just lack a lot of motivation. Once I start something I'm pretty good, but getting me to start it takes a lot of pushing. The fact that I've been in school almost non-stop since kindergarten is another factor. Baby just needs a break.

But I will get it done. I need to read about 100 pages by tomorrow (pfft. You know I be skimming that bitch) so I can do a discussion board post. Then I have to write a critique by Sunday that does not exceed 4 pages. This routine is going to be my life until August 19. There will also be a personal counseling model I have to write, but I've done a bazillion of those (so you know I be taking my old stuff & punching it up).

But on the plus side, I found out I only have a year left of graduate school. Word.

Going Downhill

2011-06-27T23:03:00.003-04:00

It has recently come to my attention that I'm getting older.

I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but it's true. I am almost halfway to 50.

Now, I know this may bring me the ire of my readers that are much, much older than I am (Dr. Ken, I'm looking at you). However, I'm having difficulty accepting this harsh fact.

It's tough waking up in the morning after a long night of drinking by myself & actually having to deal with a hangover. In the past, I would be able to drink until I laid down & went to sleep (I refuse to black-out. Whenever I feel one coming on, I decide to "go to sleep"). The next morning, I would wake up feeling as bright & sunny as I possibly could considering I'm borderline homicidal when I wake up. But now? Now I have the headache. And my eyes don't focus as well. And I move quite sluggishly. Mookie.

And to be prematurely losing my hair. Granted, this has been going on since I took Depakote when I was 18 as a mood stabilizer & it was one of the side-effects. But since then, I feel like I've been fighting a losing battle. It is honestly the one thing in my life I'm the most self-conscious of. It's not that I weigh 140lbs or that my voice sounds like I'm always stopped-up, bored, & taking estrogen injections or even my inability to do anything with coordination or grace. It's the fact that my hair is thinning. Luckily, I've found some products that seem to be working to slow down the process & possibly reverse it, so we'll see.

And you know what? I can tell my metabolism is slowing down. Even though my arms & legs are still uber skinny, my tummy is getting some pooch to it. And baby doesn't like that.

AND I can't seem to function on 2 hours of sleep anymore. When I was in college, I would be on the internet or reading until the birds started chirping or later. Then, I'd wake up about 2 hours later & while still tired, I wasn't essentially a functional zombie. Nowadays, if I get much less than 5 hours (such as the way tonight is going to turn out, I see) I really struggle throughout the day.

If this is how the rest of my Twilight Years are going to be, I'm really not looking forward to it.

I Hate Caleb Shreves

2011-06-22T18:55:00.003-04:00

Because heaven forbid I not be the butt of every joke in the world, Caleb over at The Blog Experiment (a very nice blog. He obviously puts more effort into his layout than I do) did a postthe other day where he stole (yes, stole!) a picture I had posted on my Facey B. In the picture he posted, I'm making a face & overall I just don't understand what was going on at the time.

The offending picture. Whert?!

Well, that asshole Caleb has done it again! He just now did another post where he steals EVEN MORE pictures from my childhood that I had posted on the internet. And he is obviously ridiculing me.

He's such a twat-waffle.

Friendship Liability Insurance

2011-06-21T23:44:00.009-04:00

The other night, I had gone downtown to smoke hookah with Madison & Drew (Drew is a new guy at work). The place we decided to go to didn't have any parking spots so we had to go down a side street. Madison wasn't sure where to park so I told her to just pull in somewhere (there were cars everywhere) & we'd be fine. Plus there was the sign that said we could park there!

After our little hookah excursion in which there was a guy dressed as Pikachu & another guy wearing a skirt wandering around, we go back outside & walk to the cars. That's when I spot the piece of paper underneath her windshield wiper. And one in the same spot on Drew's car (he drove separately). They each got $30 tickets. Oops. Madison was upset because I "told" her to park there. I went over to the sign & saw that it said you could park there until 11pm (by this point it was close to 1am). I found this to be a bit humorous just because something similar had happened a month ago or so with Madison when we went to a coffee shop downtown. I "told" her to park there then, too. Whatevs. They're only $30 each & I may give her some cash for them since I do feel a smidge responsible.

While thinking about these incidents, it reminded me how often stuff like this happens. It seems like I have this innate ability to accidentally get people in trouble, possibly for something I played part in, & not get in trouble at all. The first of these stories occurred in my first semester at TFC. This was back when I hung out with Neil, Dan, & Robyn (made famous in my post about how I started drinking & then had a nervous breakdown). Robyn didn't live on campus & doesn't really play a part in this story at all, so screw him.

Anyway, Neil & Dan bought a smoke machine for some reason & were messing around with it in Dan's bathroom (his poor roommate...). I was getting ready to go to bed when I hit the button one last time & made it give a long, drawn out puff of smoke. Then I went to bed. About 5 minutes later, the smoke alarms begin ringing in the dorm. Well, shit. I come out of my room to see Dan & Neil already out of Dan's room looking panicked. The R.A. came out of his & was able to get the alarm off before more people came out of their rooms. He knew Neil & Dan were responsible so he told them he'd talk to them the next day. I just snuggled back in my bed, having sweet dreams.

The next day Dan & Neil were given 12 hours of gratis a piece (gratis was the form of punishment our school used for a while. If someone broke a rule or someone in authority just didn't like a student, they could be given gratis, which essentially was community service on campus or they could pay a fine for however many hours of gratis they were assigned). No one asked them whether or not I was involved, & they didn't volunteer that information for a few reasons. The first being that they knew I'd probably have a nervous breakdown if I was given gratis & the other reason being that they could then guilt me into submission. Whatever. Later on that week I was in Dan's room with Neil when the R.A. came in. I pretended to be asleep & heard the R.A. ask him if anyone else was involved & Neil said no. Thank you, Neil!

That weekend a former student who was friends with Neil & Dan came to visit. We all enjoyed camping (yes, I do enjoy camping. Surprise!) so that was on the agenda. Since we were paying thousands of dollars to be treated like children, we were required to fill out an overnight pass that listed where you would be & who you were with. The overnight pass was then signed by an R.A. & taped to your door in case they did bed checks or there was an emergency. However, since Dan & Neil had gratis they weren't allowed to go anywhere overnight. But they wouldn't let that stop them! Unfortunately for them, I forgot about that rule & put on my overnight pass that they were going to be with me. Oops!

After a horrendous night in the woods where Dan didn't include the covering of the tent & it poured for hours (I was the only one who brought a sleeping bag so I ended up not sleeping in a puddle), we came back & they each had 6 more hours of gratis for going out with outstanding gratis.

So in one week I managed to accidentally get them 18 hours of gratis. Though I was able to help them work it off by helping me with Student Government projects.

But my reign of terror doesn't end there! The next year after Neil & Robyn were gone, Dan had begun dating his future wife. We didn't hang out much then (as if I haven't already presented numerous reasons why) but we still talked occasionally. I was late going to chapel (we had to go to chapel a certain number of times a semester) when I saw them walking away from the chapel. I hollered, "What? Are you guys skipping chapel?!" They looked guilty & didn't answer. That's when I saw one of the deans of the school walking farther ahead. Shit. The next day Dan texted me freaking out because both he & Chelsea got about 8 hours of gratis & the rest of their chapel skips taken away from them for the rest of the semester because of that.

There have been other instances where I was the one who caused something to happen but I wasn't the one who got in trouble, but these are the ones that stick out the most in my mind. Also, this post is already running long & most people will have stopped reading by now.

I swear I'm not a bad friend! These things just happen!

And on a similar note, the entire time I was at TFC I never got gratis. Not even that time I almost got kicked out.

Slimeball

2011-06-20T17:41:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, I went to my grandma's church. This wouldn't be a big deal except that her pastor is the same pastor from this story. In case you don't want to read about the debacle of my grandfather's death, let me refresh you: the pastor basically turned the funeral into an alter call for people to become saved not just so they could be with Jesus, but so they could also be reunited with my grandfather. He was also just really slimy.

At the service, he was very loud. And just like at the funeral, he coughed the entire time. The most offensive thing he did though was when he was talking about all of the people who needed prayer & he got to two of my great-aunts. Aunt Etta, bless her heart, has had Alzheimer's for a decade at least. And this wonderful pastor said, "And Miss Etta could still use your prayers. She's still hanging on." Well no shit, Sherlock. And she's not going to get better until her body just completely shuts down. Now be respectful of HER CHILDREN, SISTER (my grandmother), nieces, & nephews in the congregation & don't be a twat.

His next attack on my family came when talking about my great-aunt Shirley. I don't even know what's wrong with her except she's in the hospital & probably won't be around much longer. The pastor told everyone, "Yeah, Shirley's in the hospital. Not doing too good. I'm going to visit her tonight." Sigh.

I know I may be blowing this out of proportion, but I just find the way he handles things to be really disrespectful. He also has a terrible comb-over.

On another note, my cousin Jason (not his real name) was arrested Saturday night at a Phish concert. I'm waiting for that magazine with mugshots to come out on Friday & hopefully he'll be in it so he can autograph it. I might as well try to make a crappy situation a little funnier.

Wee Update

2011-06-17T17:52:00.003-04:00

My computer is finally back! Too bad it had to have a new hard drive so I'm essentially starting over with a few things. Thankfully most everything got put on an external before I shipped it off. Too bad that Microsoft Office won't work for now, which means I may have lost A LOT of work. Thankfully I found a disc that may re-install it.

Oh yeah, I might be transferring schools again.

People Suck

2011-06-14T13:10:00.003-04:00

I just really don't understand why people feel the need to be rude. Working in customer service, I deal with it all the time. But when I'm the customer, I legitimately don't understand why people feel the need to be rude to me when I'm just asking a question, needing clarification, or I'm ordering. I think I'm quite friendly. In fact, I'm only ever rude when provoked.

What brought this on was an event that just occurred mere moments ago. My license expires in a month & thus I need to renew it. Considering my birthday is the same day that it expires (huh....) then I would like to have my photo i.d. back by then so I can drink myself into oblivion. To make this very desirable outcome take place, I called the local DMV where the guy was kind of an ass. Everything I said was met with a slowed voice as if I was stupid, as well as a snotty tone. I did end up making the appointment.

After that I called a DMV around where my parents live, since they're usually nicer than the one in my hometown, as well as less busy. The woman that answered was a total hag. She asked when I wanted an appointment, & I told her to give me some times they had available & I'd pick. Apparently, that was a completely ridiculous request & was met with more snot. I ended up telling her to forget it & I'd call back when I had a better idea of my schedule & was in a race to hang up before her. I think I lost. Bitch.

Another time, I was at the post office & the employee was so rude to me that the woman in like behind me was in shock. My response? Saying that I hoped that her cat got run over. Not my best comeback, but I was in shock as well.

I just really don't get it. I mean, I'm not a fan of my job but I'm quite pleasant to people in spite of that. I just wish people could extend the same courtesy.

Feel The Burn

2011-06-10T21:00:00.004-04:00

I'm not what one would consider a smoker. Aside from the occasional social cigarette every few weeks (or months), I don't smoke at all. In fact, I've never even bought my own pack.

Well, today as I was driving around with Madison (who does smoke), I bummed a cigarette from her. Our mission had been to buy her a hookah, so I was just in a tobacco-y mood. However, as we were cruising down the highway, listening to "Hey Soul Sister" (it's so generic but so, so catchy), with the windows down, it began to rain. These huge water drops were splashing onto me, so I throw out my cigarette & roll up the window.

Only of course, it's not that simple. As I lean back against my seat, I feel this piercing burn. Confused & frightened, I leaned forward to see the cigarette fall from it's comfortable position against my back & into the seat, exactly when my butt would be once I sit down. Luckily, I was able to pick it up & correctly throw it out the window. However, I did suffer a minor rash & burned a small hole in my shirt.

And that's why you shouldn't smoke.

A Risk-Taker, Adventurer, & Good Samaritan (I Am All Of These)

2011-06-08T03:46:00.005-04:00

Today, as I was venturing out to see my counselor, I decided to try something I haven't done once since moving to the greater Raleigh area in September.

I attempted to drive downtown without using my GPS.

My lack of a sense of direction is legendary, having once gotten lost in my own neighborhood while looking at Christmas lights one year. Once my parents finally bought me my GPS, I was set. And by set, I mean hopelessly dependent.

I don't go downtown very often, due to my lack of social life & living in a suburb where there are enough things to do that it isn't necessary to always go to Raleigh. But when I do go downtown, I always use my GPS. In my defense, however, is the fact that downtown is ridiculously confusing & has atrocious parking, as well as some of the most rage-inducing driving I've ever witnessed.

Since the list of things I do on a weekly basis is relatively short, I don't usually have to worry about programming a bunch of addresses in very often; I just scroll through the list & boom! There's my destination! But today, I decided to cut the cord, if you will (& you will). Having been going to this particular place (actually, it's at my church's office where I'll hopefully be doing my internship eventually) long enough that I would essentially be borderline retarded at this point if I couldn't find it without my GPS, I embarked on my excursion.

Guess what happened.

I'm sure you're all guessing that I got hopelessly lost, because that's how almost all of my stories on here tend to be. If you guessed that I got lost then...

...

You're wrong. I got there just fine. In fact, I managed to find a parking spot directly outside the building that didn't require me to parallel park between two cars (I just had to back in because it was the first spot in that particular line). I was feeling mighty good about myself as I strutted down the sidewalk & marched up the stairs. That's when I was greeted by one of the interns.

It turns out my counselor was still on vacation & no one had told me.

On the plus side, this was a good experience because it forced me to try something I've been needing to do for a while. It also allowed me to help someone else, as another young man parked right behind me as I was walking back to my car. I told him to take my spot as I pulled up & he said it was ok, but I insisted that he should since I had only parked there about 5 minutes so he would basically have a free hour. He thanked me & took my spot.

Then I had to use my GPS to get out of downtown because it's different than how you get there.

Artistic Temperament

2011-06-05T13:23:00.003-04:00

The other night, I came upon the business card of a guy who uses scrap pieces of wood to carve guitar picks, jewelry, & other crap. He's actually pretty good, if I do say so myself. What's not so good, however, is his attitude. Basically, just like a lot of artists, he takes himself & his work too seriously.

Example? This little ditty is from the back of the card.

"There is an incredible & intangible feeling that occurs when my hands coerce what I envision out of these raw materials. When the coupling of mind, medium, and machine is strong the result beckons to be seen and shared. To see this work emerge from small salvaged blocks, watching refinement arise from chaos, noise, and saw dust evokes the sensation that I want to convey to everyone who cherishes the incalculable and incomparable beauty of the natural world."

What an ass.

Never Fear (Also, You Pick The Story Again)

2011-06-03T00:21:00.003-04:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that my return to the blogging world is imminent! While my computer isn't fixed yet, I'm taking my mom's so I can do "homework" (but seriously).

On an update with my computer, apparently something was jacked up with the hard drive too. Thank goodness I put everything on an external. And it sure was nice of the people to tell me they were keeping it an unspecified amount of time. Sure was.....

Sarcasm.

Ok, so I'm going to let you guys pick my next story. Your 3 choices this time are...

1. The time I almost got kicked out of college

2. My experience with being in wrecks

3. A guy that we dubbed "The Mayor Of Creepsville" in college.

Vote away! And vote fast!

The Life Ruiner

2011-05-25T23:47:00.004-04:00

Because there really isn't much to report in my life right now that isn't super depressing, I'm going to write about my experiences with the person who gave me my first taste of an individual sucking in every way imaginable.

Ashley (not her real name) & I went to college together my first year away from home. She had been a student the year before, & had been a part of the friend group that I initially became a part of once I transferred there. I had been warned previously that she was very loud, obnoxious, dramatic, & couldn't be trusted, but in my naiveté I thought I could handle it.

I was wrong. Initially.

Things at first went well. Yes, she was loud, obnoxious, & dramatic, but I didn't see so much that she couldn't be trusted. In fact, she seemed like she could be very trustworthy! But then I started to notice how events that I was present for began to sound...different when they were retold by her. And how she would just look at someone & right there on the spot make up a rumor about them without any prior conversation with them.

Bitch was scary.

In the span of two weeks she wrecked two cars (one of which I was in [which is another story]). It was around this time that she became very attached to this guy, Greg (not even close to his real name). The thing with Greg though was that he had a girlfriend at the time named Hope. However, Hope was best friends with Ashley (you can see where this is going). But before any of that crap came out, first Hope announces to everyone that she's not coming back the next semester. Well, whatever. That happens. But right before finals, Ashley tells certain people in our friend group (not me) that her friend, Jesse (who was in a gang, according to her) had a rival gang going after him & his friends. Which included Ashley. And then that somehow spread to Ashley's friends (which included me, unbeknownst to me).

Then one night before school let out, Ashley came back to her room with her clothes all torn up, saying she had been raped by the rival gang. Oh noes!

So that got the rest of our friends banded together (except for me, who was kept in the dark. Thanks!). The winter term (which lasted two weeks) was when I found out, & at first I was really upset until I began to realize how the story didn't make much sense. After comparing notes with other people, I decided that it wasn't true. And neither was a lot of what she had said, such as another one of my friends hitting her (which I didn't believe for a second). It was also around this time that it came out that Ashley & Greg had been hooking up, which caused a split in the friend group. I ended up going with the people who weren't with Ashley, because my mama didn't raise no fool (sometimes).

The rest of the semester was still pretty dramatic with Ashley still on campus, leaving drama & horror in her hefty wake. By the end of the semester, she & Greg were no longer friends & she was slashing her own tires & blaming him for it (he was even out of town when that happened). Luckily her grades were terrible so she transferred to another school. She was out of my life.

Not so fast!

Ashley began visiting a lot at the end of the next fall semester because Hope returned & they patched things up. Then her cousin, Erica, came into the picture over Christmas break. She befriended a lot of people since she was going to be attending TFC the next semester. It was weird though that Erica only had a Myspace & didn't have a cell phone. In any case, she & Greg (who had also left TFC) began flirting online. Then all of the sudden, Erica is no longer going to school there & Ashley is involved in our lives again because it was just. so. dramatic. I wasn't having it, because by that point I had already figured out with Caitlin that Erica was really Ashley. But it was fun to just string her along, not gonna lie.

It especially became fun when all of the sudden Erica went from a really thin punk girl with brown hair to a more chunky girl with blonde hair & blue eyes.

After the Erica drama died down, I thought everything would be over with her. Until she moved to Toccoa. Are you serious?! And then she tried to get a job at Applebee's! I told the manager not to hire her, but he didn't listen. Eventually, he did tell me he should have. Thank you, Dean.

In that time at Applebee's, she got raped again. Wow. She has terrible luck, doesn't she? She also managed to alienate herself from almost every friend she had, which wasn't shocking. Thankfully, she was gone by the end of the summer (her choice, though I so wanted to see her get fired). She popped up from time to time, but managed to not bring any drama with her. The last time I saw her was in 2009 when I was working over Christmas break. She was visiting (she just never goes away!) & asked me why I had blocked her on Facebook. I told her that being friends with her just caused too much drama & left it at that.

So over time, I definitely learned to handle her better. Especially after her first rape incident. That was also when I learned how batshit crazy some people are.

I also need to add that I left out certain pieces that didn't ultimately impact the outcome of the story. Like how she had "gotten pregnant" before I went to TFC. And how she "had cancer" at one point. And how Jesse "died in a car accident" the semester after her "rape" but then a few weeks later she posted new pictures of herself with him on Facebook. Or how she got Jesse to message me on Facebook & try to start some drama with me about a comment someone had made on a picture I had posted.

And before people flip out & say, "Well, maybe she really was raped!" let me assure you that no, she wasn't. She ended up coming clean about the whole gang drama being a lie.

How do I always attract these people?

Still Alive (But In Heaven)

2011-05-22T23:49:00.004-04:00

Laptop still isn't fixed, of course. I really need it so I can do my pre-work before I go up to Virginia at the end of June for my class. Also, I need it for my social life, since heaven forbid I actually have one with real people!

Also, I re-arranged my bedroom. It looks more mature than before, just by moving my bed, nightstand, & a bookcase. However, now that my bed is no longer directly against the wall I feel like I'm going to fall off.

I've also had two almost-anxiety attacks this week. Hopefully that stops soon.

Also, I was raptured. Peace out!

Tiddly Update

2011-05-16T22:54:00.002-04:00

Me: "So are you still going to build that desk?"
Roommate: "Yeah."
Me: "Well, do you need help?"
Roommate: "Are you good with power tools?"
Me: "Not really."
Roommate: "Then no."

On that note, my computer is being fixed so I don't know when I'll be updating again. Currently, I'm using my roommate's computer.

Also? I'm going to the doctor soon because my leg is kind of effed up. Mother.

Preemptive Strike

2011-05-08T22:12:00.002-04:00

So, as some of you know, I've been quite the fan of the bottle for a while now.

However, due to "sins of the father", it has been a family burden that alcoholism runs in our family (both sides, yo!). Every time I drank, I always thought about it. There were quite a few times where I thought I was slowly becoming an alcoholic, such as when I would feel a physical yearning for a drink when I wouldn't be able to have some.

As time has progressed, I've begun drinking a lot more by myself. And while I may only have a few beers or a lot of wine, my alone-drinking was becoming more & more frequent. This past Thursday I drank an entire bottle of wine in less than an hour before noon, threw up, then slept on my bathroom floor until about 4:30. The worst part? I then ordered $20 worth of Chinese delivery! WTF?!

So yeah, this shit needs to stop. I don't want to end up like so many people in my family (which will be a topic later on). I'm still going to drink around people since I can moderate more easily. But for now, this needs to happen.

So there.

Toccoa Visit

2011-04-29T12:19:00.002-04:00

I don't have a ton of write about right now. I'm currently sitting in the library computer lab at Toccoa Falls College! My old school! It's been weird being back this trip, though it always is.

When I graduated, I wasn't exactly on the best social terms with a lot of people, & now that most of them are gone you'd think it would be different. But instead, there are all 0f these kids I don't know, a few that I do know, & a lot of memories (both good & bad). I've gotten to see a few professors as well, which has been nice.

One of the things that's been kind of discouraging is how Alexa (her real name) is visiting at the same time. We were super close while here, & have stayed pretty close since graduation. But anyway, she's having to schedule times to hang out with people, whereas I am just kind of scrambling & haphazardly trying to meet up with people. We both had very different experiences here, obviously.

Anyway, I will write more later. Not sure about what though.

Great-Grandfather? You ARE The Father!

2011-04-24T20:39:00.007-04:00

So this is one of the posts I was going to do a month ago but didn't. I figure now is as good a time as any to get write it.

Back in January, I had stopped by Aunt Norah's (as you know, not her name) house to drop off some tea I get from work that she likes. We were just sitting in her living room talking about our family & stuff that happened before I was born, when she mentioned Donna (not her name). "Who is Donna?" I asked. "Oh, you haven't heard?" replied Norah. Of course I hadn't heard. My parents & I are almost always the last people in our family to hear about anything. But as it turns out, most of us didn't know. And what didn't we know? This....

My great grandfather (the father of my grandfather that just died) was apparently loose. There was already speculation back in the day that he fathered one child out of wedlock (who for some reason was already part of the family & grew up with my dad & his siblings. While it was never proven, it was heavily assumed because of rumors & the way she looked. I have no idea who this lady is, which isn't surprising because we have a tremendous family.

Anyway, a few years ago this new woman (Donna) approached my grandparents & told them that she thought she was the half-sister of my grandfather. D'oh! She was no stranger to them, having been a regular at the restaurant where my grandmother used to waitress. They only said something to a few of our family members, & surprisingly were able to keep it all pretty hush-hush (those people can't not gossip. Even if it's about themselves). Anyway, Donna's possible-half-brother Edward (not his name) wanted nothing to do with her because he was a turd & holier than thou. But he died a few years ago & she's slowly been feeling more comfortable.

Anyway, I went to see my parents (this was when I still lived with Skidmark & was making almost daily visits back to Rocky Mount for my safety) & asked my mother about Maybe-Great-Aunt Donna. She had no idea what I was talking about, & immediately texted my father, who responded with, "WHAT?!" So there was that. Later that night, my father called Norah, who gave him Donna's contact information. My parents then met with Donna & her husband, & encouraged her to get a paternity test & become more involved with everyone.

Then all of the crap happened with my grandfather. The second day I was at the hospital the week his lung collapsed, I went into the waiting room & was shortly joined by a lady I had never seen. I figured she was a friend of the family or some relative I had never met (or hadn't seen since I was little). Well, it turns out it was Maybe-Half-Great-Aunt Donna. Well, hey there! She asked me some question & we figured out we were there for the same people, & we both got really excited when we realized who the other person was. After reuniting with my grandmother, I got to witness the introduction of Maybe-Half-Great-Aunt Donna with her maybe-half-sister Lucille (not her name). They got along famously, & they even look similar. Then some of my cousins began trickling in. In a funny turn of events, the ones that came to visit had never heard of Maybe-Half-Great-Aunt Donna (which made me feel awesome for knowing something before them). It was really funny to watch their faces as they realized what was happening.

There was some awkwardness, though (because of course). One of the things I haven't mentioned was that Donna is literally half a month older than my dad. So she is the same age as one of her nephews. Yup! Another awkward moment was when she hugged my cousin Maria (not her name, duh) & told her she was sorry about her mother. Maria's mom (my aunt Mary [her real name, because she's dead]) was murdered in 1986. I found out at this point that Donna had known since the 70's that she might be part of our family but just learned about us through other channels. I also learned that my great-grandfather was a cop, to which I said, "Well, obviously he did a whole lot of serving & not a lot of protecting" (only Maria heard me. She laughed but it was still awkward if you understand what the meaning behind it was).

Since then, I only saw Donna one more time at the hospital right before my grandfather died. She was in his room with my grandmother, & she was saying her goodbye. It was really tough on her because she had finally started to get the family she'd always wanted & now her possible-brother was sedated & on a ventilator. She was trying not to cry, & told me after we left that what kept her strong in there was seeing me since I had been so supportive of her the other day. I also had noticed when she was about to start crying & gave her tissues.

Apparently she was at the visitation & funeral, but I didn't see her. She wasn't at the burial. But the next week, after everything that had happened, the paternity results came back.

Maybe-Half-Great-Aunt Donna was officially Half-Great-Aunt Donna. Holla, Half-Great-Aunt Donna!

And that's how I inadvertently gave us a new family member, just because I asked some questions & got a ball rolling.

A Starr Is Born

2011-04-20T22:57:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, I knew a kid named Nathan Starr (first name isn't really his name, but his last name is. I just used it for the title of this post). We met while we were taking the driver's ed classroom portion. He seemed pretty normal at first, & was the nicest person in that class full of delinquents. We even ended up in the same car for the driving portion of the class! Isn't that convenient? I thought I had finally made a friend.

Obviously, since I'm writing about it on here, it either ends up being really weird or really depressing. This story is the former.

As far as he told me, he lived in an emotionally abusive household. According to him, he was a crack baby, which explains a lot of his future behavior. Eventually, his father remarried & his half-sister took most of the attention. His step-mom would go days without speaking to him over the slightest infraction. Because of this, I felt really bad for him. But then he started talking about how he worked out all of the time. Well, that's all well & good. But he also started talking about how he had so much power that he could force doors to close without touching them. That is not well & good at all. He also said he slept with an ax under his pillow for protection.

Yep.

Eventually we met at the mall to hang out for the first time since we took driver's ed. Pretty much the whole time was spent with him acting really weird, trying to embarrass me in front of a girl I liked at the time, & just being a creeper. At one point, I tried to lose him but wasn't successful.

Also, it should be noted that all of the working out that he did? He flexed & showed me his abs (in public....) & they didn't look like jack. He also said he had been growing a beard but it was barely a mustache. It really made me nervous that his reality was something completely different than the correct reality (i.e. my reality).

After a while, I told him over the phone that I didn't want to be his friend anymore because he freaked me out. And we didn't talk for a while. But then we started talking again for some reason & met to hang out at this park. He brought his motorbike that he had just fixed & some black kid with tattoos I later found out stood for the Bloods (Rocky Mount is full of gang activity) asked if he could ride it. I was thinking to myself, "This is beyond stupid. There's no way he will let this kid ride his motorbike." But sure enough, Nathan let him ride the bike. And just as expected, homeslice rode off & never came back. Nathan chased after him on foot (I ran a little but didn't expend too much energy because there's no way in hell we are catching someone on a motorbike) but the cause was lost. And so was the bike.

That was the last time I saw Nathan. We spoke some over Myspace a little later but I have no idea what he's up to nowadays.

I Should Be Psychic

2011-04-16T03:00:00.004-04:00

Today I learned that I should be psychic. Well, that's good to know!

It was about 30 minutes before I was done with my shift when this temperamental regular came in. She had her own thermal mug that was over 3/4 full of coffee already. She then ordered a cup of coffee filled about halfway up. I figured since she had a practically full thing of coffee she wanted another cup & would either double-fist or use the new one to replenish the other. So I rang her up for a small coffee & didn't give her the sustainability discount (if you bring in your own mug you get $0.50 off).

After I rang her up she asked if I gave her the discount. I told I didn't since I wasn't charging her for the size cup I was giving her. Then she got an attitude because I didn't automatically know to dump her full cup of coffee out & replace it with something else. She was like, "It's fine!" to which I snotted back, "Good!" & stomped to the back before I got crunk.

I just wish I didn't let crap like this bother me. There's just no reason to be rude! The other day I had this lady refuse to take my roll of dimes at a parking garage unless I broke them apart & handed her $3 worth of loose dimes instead of just taking the damn roll & giving me back $2 like I handed her a $5. But guess what I did instead of arguing with her? I handed her $3 & drove off. Granted, I was very irritated but being a dick isn't helpful. However, I work for a company that would rather their employees be abused on a daily basis than lose a customer so it's a different situation I suppose.

Before my psychic abilities failed me, I had a guy come in that I have dubbed "Mr. Giggles" because he argues about everything. In every single statement he finds something to criticize. Sometimes when he's been giving me crap for about 5 minutes straight about a particular word I used & he's gone off on another tangent I will look at him square in the eyes & say, "Wow. You really have something to say about everything, don't you?" He just looks at me, thrown off. Anyway, he came in & kept trying to talk to me & I was trying to converse back but couldn't hear him well because someone was ordering over the head-set. I told him I couldn't hear him because someone was talking & he said, "I know. That's why I'm going to keep talking." I handed him his coffee without a word & started doing something else.

I just can't wait until my last week there. If I don't feel like waiting on someone, I'm not going to. Granted, I say that now, but I know when the time comes I will still wait on them because I hate being a turd unless provoked.

Despite my complaining, I actually am very good with customers when they're nice. I'm good at making small-talk with those I don't know, as well as keeping up with the regulars. And even though I will argue/stand-up to a rude customer in a heartbeat, I'm also good at calming them down when I feel like it. I've always been this way, though. My customer service jobs have been a way for me to push through my social anxiety & introverted nature.

But I seriously, seriously can't wait for another job.

On another note, I got a Droid X yesterday.

Job Hunting pt. 1

2011-04-14T00:59:00.002-04:00

I was just on Craigslist (since that's always worked out so well for me) looking for jobs. Very discouraging situation to say the least.

There are pretty much no jobs in the mental health/non-profit sector in my area. However, I did find one that seemed like it might be a possible except the punctuation, grammar, and spelling were atrocious so I don't think I'm going to pursue it. Though I'm pretty sure I could get an interview because of my background/training.

Another reason I don't want to do it is because it's working in a group home for boys. After everything that happened at the rehab (for those of you who are new, go back & read my posts from April-July of last year. If you don't want to, let's just say that it ended with me being fired with no explanation) I just don't know if I can work in another setting like that.

On top of that, I essentially grew up isolated & have a hard time knowing what to do with kids. Especially boys. They always want to run around, be rough, & are loud. That scares me.

Plus the fact that I weighed myself yesterday & I'm 140 lbs. Not exactly imposing & commanding of respect. And if the rehab wasn't proof enough, my strategy of trying to gain respect by being friendly didn't work.

I JUST WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY JESUS H. CHRIST IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So I don't know. Do you guys think I should apply? I've got to get out of this crap coffee shop.

What Happened A Few Weeks Ago

2011-04-09T14:29:00.006-04:00

So I know I've already said what happened 2 1/2 weeks ago, but now comes the time when I actually blog about it.

My grandfather died.

Despite us not being close, I was still sad. Watching someone you've grown up with disintegrate like that...it's tough. Here is what happened....

Papa had been in really crappy health for a while. Having been a smoker since he was 7, he eventually had to quit a few years ago because of his emphysema. He also was prone to strokes & aneurysms. A few years ago the doctors thought he may have lung cancer, so they did some biopsies. This routine continued for a few years: maybe cancer! Oh wait! No, it's just scar tissue!

In September, it came back as being 100% positive that he had lung cancer. None of us knew really what was going to happen as far as treatment or prognosis, so all bazillion of us in our family tried to just be around as much as we could (give or take a few).

Then, in January, he decided to have a surgery that was not highly recommended. In fact, the survival rate was only about 10%, given his current state of health. But that dipshit went ahead & had it done. You can pretty much tell where this is going.

He did survive the surgery. Oh yeah guess what else: IT WASN'T CANCER! Lovely. Anyway, he was resting up at Duke for a few weeks. I even went & saw him, which is more than any of his 9 other grandchildren did during this time (granted, most of them live over an hour away & the majority of them are married, have kids, or are druggies with no mode of transportation). He seemed really out of it, & he looked like complete crap. Which is expected, being in the hospital & everything. While I was there visiting, the doctor even said that he could be sent to a nursing home by their house for his rehabilitation process! Joy!

However, while at the nursing home, his chest tubes wouldn't drain. His food would also go down his windpipe, so he had to get put on a feeding tube. Eventually, he had to go back to Duke. A few days after being released from Duke, his lung collapsed at home. My grandmother called my aunt, uncle, & cousin who live on the same property to come over, & then called 911. He coded in the ambulance but was revived by the time he got to the hospital. Once there, he was sedated & heavily drugged.

The day after that was when I came into the picture again. I had a few days off from work so I went home. I practically lived at the hospital, being there almost as much as my grandmother (who wouldn't leave). This whole time he was sedated, but supposedly could still hear us. This whole thing became somewhat of a family reunion for everyone, as family emergencies are prone to do. Aside from a few people (grandmother, aunt) we all knew what was going to eventually happen. As I told my mother when I headed back to Cary, "See you in a few days."

And I was right. That Sunday the doctor met with my parents & all of my dad's siblings & their spouses. That was when it was confirmed that my grandmother was going to have to make the call when to take the ventilator out because he could not stay as he was. I came back that day & just hung around the hospital & drove around with some of my cousins. Monday was basically the same. However, Monday night was bad for him & my grandmother decided to have the ventilator taken out Tuesday evening, so everyone could be there.

My family is huge, so we completely overtook the waiting room. Everyone was really anxious, but still in good spirits. The doctor said that it would only take a few minutes, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. It took forever. To the point where it seemed like he may bounce back & my grandmother started getting excited (it was so painful to watch). Everyone left except for my grandmother, my cousin Joey (not his name), & me because it was getting so late.

Eventually we tried to sleep, & then around 3:30am there was a call to the waiting room & my grandmother hurried up to the ICU. I followed a few minutes later, not wanting her to be by herself. The nurse told me that it probably wouldn't take much longer, so I called Joey & my parents (who live close to the hospital). Joey called his mom, too. The two of us went into the room with my grandmother & we all cried & held hands. My parents showed up so I stepped out because I was so emotionally drained. A little while later Joey's mom came, too. A few hours later my mother left for work (she took a half-day) & Joey & I got some breakfast at Cracker Barrel. Then we tried to sleep again, which was fail. Around 9 I had to peace out because my body was going numb. I passed my mom going into the hospital as I was leaving, & wished her luck. Two hours later she called me to tell me that he had died.

I'm not going to lie: I was kind of pissed that I hung out at the hospital all that time & he waits to die when I'm gone. Asshole.

My dad (who had already started planning the funeral with his only responsible sibling, Aunt Norah [not her name], her husband Tom [not his name], & my mother) got everything rocking & rolling. My cousin Amber (not her name) & I went through pictures to make a slideshow. A slideshow I basically got no credit for because while I found most of the pictures, Amber scanned them & put them on the disc. Whatever. It was still fun. I'm going to post them all later.

Overall, the service was crap. There was Southern gospel sung by some of my relatives. There was the pastor barely being able to make it through a complete sentence without stumbling over his words. There was also the pastor turning the funeral into a plea for everyone to accept Jesus into their hearts not just so they can spend eternity with God, but to do it so you can see my grandfather again. I am serious. He also said that babies cry when they're born because they see what kind of world we live in & want nothing to do with it. I say it is because they're naked, cold, & have a bunch of people pulling on them. I'm right.

I was a pallbearer with 5 of my other male cousins (there are actually 7 of us but 1 was in the process of moving back from Florida & couldn't make it) & let me just say that that junk is HEAVY. After the mausoleum portion, we went to my grandparent's church (where we have all of our Thanksgiving family reunions) & had a very nice meal where everything had pork in it. Because we are Southern & Everything Must Have Pork.

P.S. I don't eat pork.

I went back to Cary that day but on the way there I went to see my grandmother (she lives on the way). She was there alone & just seems lost. We just sat there & talked a while, & it was nice. Eventually my parents, Uncle Rob (not his name), Aunt Norah & her husband, Aunt Norah's first husband, & Joey all came by. A few hours later I left & just relaxed at my place.

Everything is back to normal, basically. My mother said that my grandmother is really lonely & doesn't want to change the sheets because they smell like my grandfather. It's going to take time, but she's a resilient old bird & has a bazillion people who will be there for her. My father, on the other hand, hasn't cried once. He wasn't close to my grandfather either & seems to be compartmentalizing. So my mother & I are kind of waiting to see what will happen with that.

Sorry this was such a long post. There was so much to say, & I just didn't feel like dealing with it right after it happened. Also, sorry about any typos. Don't feel like proof-reading.

P.S. I didn't include the part where my parents (& to a degree Aunt Norah) got in a fight with one of my cousins because it's really stupid. Like so stupid that I didn't realize it was a real fight for a little bit despite the fact that I was standing there for almost the whole thing.

P.P.S. I also forgot to include where one of my uncles showed up to the funeral drunk. He didn't act it, but you could smell it.

Compilation of Skidmark

2011-04-04T15:31:00.003-04:00

My saga with Skidmark has now been chronicled on My Very Worst Roommate.

I'm basically an internet icon at this point. Am I right?

Right?

Hello?

Reflection

2011-04-02T01:03:00.003-04:00

Wednesday night, after my church small group, I went for a drive. Frustrated with a lot of events & circumstances, I just needed to get away. And away I went.

I drove over 3 hours, just listening to music & reflecting on the events of the past few weeks. Spring has always been a really tough time for me. As is Winter, Summer, & Fall. But Spring especially is full of heartache. It's when I've lost numerous friendships, experienced failed relationships, almost gotten kicked out of college, & now have had 2 grandparents die. It is when life begins anew, yet for me it's when I am forced to reflect on the mookie-storm (still trying to not cuss) my life is & always has been.

I know that everyone experiences these feelings of loneliness, but I see no reason why I've always struggled socially. I literally have no friends from my childhood. I don't have friends from when I was a teenager (because I really only had one, & that lasted less than a year. That actually may make an interesting post later on). In fact, the oldest friendship I have at this point is about 4 years old at this point.

I guess I'm just frustrated right now. I need some alone time, which is basically what I'm complaining about. But this will be different. This will be used for reflection, & maybe I'll be able to finally figure out how I feel about my grandfather dying last week (spoiler alert!). My last class this semester is over next week, so hopefully I'll be able to make this happen.

Sexy People

2011-04-01T12:42:00.003-04:00

Well, I've been featured on yet another website.

Sexy People!

I told the webmaster that I have an entire series of these pictures that I am going to submit once I get them scanned.

Everyone should be very thankful that I have a sense of humor about the stuff that has/continues to happen to me because really, it benefits the world.

TeeHee

2011-03-30T17:18:00.002-04:00

My job is holding a drawing class where for $30 you can learn to draw this slightly complicated-looking coffee cup. My co-worker (who will be going to art school) tried to draw it but for some reason wasn't able to finish it at the same time as the rest of the picture, so there were these arrows pointing to a blank space. I took it upon myself to add the stick figure (which I have since erased, because I am nothing if not professional).

It was funny to us, anyway...

New Posts Are Coming

2011-03-25T01:29:00.003-04:00

Remember back in the day when I posted on here semi-regularly? Well, those days are coming because my current situation is about to be over.

I seriously have so much to write about that I'm expecting to do about 3 or 4 in a row.

For Your Information...

2011-03-18T01:20:00.001-04:00

I know I haven't updated at all this week. Just be prepared that you are about to be bombarded with quite a few posts in the next day/few days.

Not Much Of Anything...

2011-03-10T22:40:00.002-05:00

Shut up, Dr. Ken!

Seriously!

A Piece Of Lent

2011-03-09T22:49:00.006-05:00

So, to those of you not versed in the Christian tradition, we are now at the beginning of Lent. What is Lent, you may ask? Well...that's a good question.

Having grown up the son of a Methodist minister, I always remembered hearing it mentioned but because I was so young I never participated in any of the "festivities." Those festivities being the sacrificing of crap for Adult Jesus.

Once my parents & I started attending more...charismatic churches (not Pentecostal Holiness. No one pretended to be an animal & not everyone prayed in tongues) it wasn't mentioned as much. Then I went to Toccoa & it was mentioned a lot more (but I didn't sacrifice anything because screw that).

Then last year when I was in college, it seemed like everyone & their mother (not my mother though) gave up something for the 40 days leading to Easter. Not me, though! But that is a thing of the past.

This year, I have decided to "celebrate" Lent. So for the next 40 days, I am giving up cussing.

Yes, that's right.

Katie is giving up chocolate (& possibly white bread). Most people give up food items, electronic stuff, & that kind of junk. But not me! I'm taming my tongue (that's what she said).

The reason for this is primarily because I cuss way too much. I think it makes me sound uneducated & ignorant. That isn't to say that I'm against cussing. Far from it! I think it's hilarious when people cuss. But this is just something I myself need to rein in. This has been something I've been meaning to do for a while now, so by piggy-backing it with this hot mess, it might make it easier since everyone will be miserable at the same time.

A guy from my small group (sort of?) is joining me in this endeavor. I had a successful first day, but he did not. Go me! I told him that we are allowed to cuss if they're song lyrics. We are also allowed to cuss in another language because English is the official language of God & the only one He respects.

Why do I have a bad feeling this won't last long at all?

Edit: So, I was having my friend David read this as soon as I posted it. He noticed a typo. Guess what I did? Well, let's have the screen capture tell the story...

...................it's going to be a long Lent, folks.

The Story Of My Move

2011-03-08T23:53:00.006-05:00

Remember back when I was living with Skidmark? And remember that time I moved with little fanfare? Well, here is the story of the move. There really isn't much to report but I figure that since my time living in The Porn Nexus (t.m. Caleb) was a bit epic that I need to at least include the resolution.

After toying with the idea of moving since about a month after I moved in with Le Skidmark, I had started to actively pursue housing leads. I had checked out a place in December that was less than a mile from my job. It was with a guy from my church (who I had never met but I knew people who knew him), & it was pretty nice. I was just incredibly hesitant to accept it because I'd be losing a lot of space, it was more expensive, I'd have to actually move, & I wasn't sure I trusted my new roommate. Not that he gave me any reason not to trust him. But just after my past roommate experiences (My Giant, Skidmark, Really Conservative Guy) & life experiences in general (Bi-Sexual Wiccan, Truck Driver, Mexican Stalker, Other Stuff) I had trust issues. Understandably.

Well, after I found the blood splatters on the bathroom mirror (& on the faucet knob) I decided that enough was enough. After dilly-dallying & trying to coordinate everything, I pushed the move up a week.

I wish I could say it was really dramatic, hilarious, or tragic. I really do. Because that isn't as boring as this. But (un)forunately everything went well. Skidmark took the news well, & even had an ad for my replacement on Craigslist the day I told him (replacement has since moved in).

The only thing to note is that I told him that the reason I was moving was because "certain behaviors" made me uncomfortable & that it might be a good idea for him to tell future roommates so they weren't thrown into this whole world without knowing. He apologized for me being uncomfortable. And the day I moved we didn't even say goodbye. We did speak, but I can't remember what all was said. It doesn't matter anyway.

I had to switch out my beds though. The bed I had while living with Skidmark was a full, but my new room would have been a lot more cramped if I had used it. So a switch was made with the bed I had used while living in Toccoa with my dad (a twin). While switching the beds (& dropping off other random items that I didn't need), my mother made a new best friend in Amaris, a girl from my small group. They seriously talked the entire time the guys (including me) were moving the stuff.

So here I am. I've been living here for a month & a half. It's been great so far. I actually spend more time out of my room than I do in it. I have my own bathroom, so any blood to be found has an obvious source (oh wait....).

Another Guest Post

2011-03-08T02:32:00.002-05:00

Remember when I had Aubree do that guest post, & then I did a guest post on her blog? Well I also had reader/Facebook friend Caleb do one as well. Granted, it's taken me about a month to post this because daddy's been busy, but never late than never. Take it away, Caleb!

"Recently I’ve been reading about people who get themselves in all sorts of F’ed up situations because they’re trying to be “nice.” (This means you, Andrew) I have an aversion to the term “nice,” but I’m not going to get into that here. Instead, I’m going focus on the part of “nice” where you hear what someone is saying through the filter of best intentions. It’s time for a post about “Creepy people translation.”

To make sure we’re on the same page I’m going to start out with an easy one. Picture, if you will, an old guy in a van leaning out the window to offer you free candy if you’ll just hop inside with him. He is probably down to a handful of teeth, wearing a ragged hat, and perhaps overalls with no shirt underneath.

He says “I will give you some free candy if you come over here to the inside of my van!”

You think “Hmm… he probably has a driver’s license, so he’s safe. And I DO like candy…”

He means “I need a lampshade and your skin looks conducive to light.”

Obviously this isn’t a good idea, right? Is it “nice” of you to not go to his van? Probably not. So f*ck “nice.”

Next up: you’re a girl, on a dating site, and a guy has just “winked” at you and sent you a message. He has a picture of himself with his shirt off, backwards hat, and glasses. Essentially his message is “hey gurl u so fiiine- lets hook up soon.” You brush this one off, but he keeps sending more all the time (cuz he’s a creeper). Eventually, you may decide to take him up. Here’s the translation:

He says ”I find you attractive and we should meet.”

You think ”Gosh, maybe I’m being close-minded. He might be a decent guy and I’m not giving him a shot. Plus, maybe he’s kind of cute in real life.”

He means “I’m trying to bang 50 hoes this week and you look like a great #46. I will wear you down over time and then roofie you into my bed. PS see my sweet shades?”

If any part of you thinks that this guy isn’t a weirdo who will harass you incessantly, I know a prince in Jordan who is trying to get a few million gold bars out of the country.

Next: you’re working somewhere and a customer is spending a lot of time talking to you. They’re asking personal questions, they’re kind of [older, weird looking, homeless-y, etc.] and you’re not quite comfortable. Inevitably they ask for your contact info. You consider giving it to them. Tranlation:

They say “I’m really interested in you as a unique person! You should tell me more about yourself, then give me your number and facebook info so that we can continue this fascinating discussion.”

You think “They seem… nice. It doesn’t hurt to talk to them I guess. I’ll just give them my Facebook stuff and not accept their friend request. I don’t want to tell them to bug off cuz that might be mean.

They mean: “I’m going to keep asking you crap about yourself to keep you talking long enough that you’ll give me your information. Then, I’m probably going to stalk you. Maybe I’ll get to take you out to the back of my car, but at the least I’ll be able to text-bomb you for weeks or even months!”

Hopefully you’re starting to see a pattern here. If not, I have one last counter-example for you, and maybe it will help illustrate things:

You’re a small child in the cold of winter. A large man in an oversized outfit and a long beard is beckoning for you to sit on his lap and confess your desires. Your parents urge you forward.

He says “Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Come sit on my lap and tell me what you want this year!”

You think “Hmm… mom said to avoid strangers, but he seems pretty cool. And merry.”

He means “I’m getting $100 bucks to be cheerful and listen to you snot nosed punks tell me of your greed. Hurry up.”

This situation? Totally okay. Seriously- Santa is good shit.

Well I hope this helped clear a few things up for you folks. If I can keep even one person from getting into a trucker’s cab after working at the theater all night, I’ll have done my job.

Thanks Andrew!"

You're welcome, Caleb.

Wall Post

2011-03-07T14:13:00.002-05:00

Everyone is writing on the Wall of that guy that passed, so I decided to write on it too. I'm sure one (or many) of his many followers will de-friend or flame me, but whatever. I felt like it needed to be said. What do you guys think?

Hmmm...

Am I Terrible?

2011-03-06T15:10:00.004-05:00

I should be working on that horrid assignment but whatever. I've checked out. Instead, I have something more important to talk about.

This guy from my college died either this morning or last night. He had been fighting with cancer for about a year or so. The thing is....

I don't feel anything.

We were in the same social circle for most of the time we were in college together (2 years), but never really clicked. He always treated me like I was stupid because I didn't enjoy studying things like philosophy & politics. When I talked to him once about some of my doubts about myself & Christianity, he kept trying to get me to leave the school right then & there, despite the fact that it was in the middle of a semester.

Then he was put in charge of one of the Student Government councils I was on, as well as just being on another council with me. The council he was in charge of was tough because instead of just using those of us elected, he brought in a bunch of his friends & only listened to their ideas. Then he asked us when the best nights were to meet, & when I told him I could meet any night except Tuesday, he said that we would be meeting on Tuesdays from now on. So there was that.

Then on the other council, every time I opened my mouth he made fun of me or shot me down. At one point, in front of everyone, he said he was on a mission to "dehumanize" me. No one took it seriously because "that's just his sense of humor." He did eventually apologize for that.

On a purely immature note, I was also jealous of how popular he had become. He was part of the group that had split off from my friend group & left me high & dry. I also didn't like how he treated women like they were inferior & stupid (kind of like how he treated me. Oh wait.....).

When I saw on the Facey B this morning, a lot of feelings went through my head. I felt slightly vindicated, & also relief. I felt frustrated at how brainwashed it seems some people are at how wonderful he was. At the same time, I feel bad for his family. I know what it's like to have a loved one die & you're the one left.

I texted my mother, who is an Oracle of Wisdom. She knows some of the situation & said this, "It's ok to feel nothing. He definitely wasn't a friend so you had no good connection. There are people I know that when they die I'll feel nothing...I will feel sad for them if they don't know Jesus but that would be all." When I said I felt guilty, she said, "Don't. Their really is no need to. We can't be expected to feel sad for everyone who dies. Especially those who were unkind to us." That made me feel better.

What do you guys think? Am I being immature? Does it make sense why I feel this way?

Just so you know, we didn't always have a tumultuous relationship. In fact, sometimes we got along just fine. And he was there the first time I ever puked from drinking. He even let me curl up in a ball on his lap while I shook due to possible alcohol poisoning.

Also, I don't want you all thinking I was just a push-over with him. I stood up to him numerous times at SGA meetings. Especially when the nights changed & I could go again.

A-Salted

2011-03-05T18:20:00.003-05:00

So last night I went out with some people from my church group. There is one girl who comes around every so often who has a lot of social issues (more than me) & is incredibly moody (I shall call her Julie). Things were going well for a while: we went to a terrible Italian restaurant, then some art galleries (where I had to go outside because I was feeling like I was going to have an anxiety attack). After that, we went to a bar in downtown Raleigh. Things were still going well until Julie gets into one of her moods where she starts attacking everyone.

Usually it just annoys me but I keep my mouth shut. But this time I was incredibly sick of it. She had called all of us "straight-laced" & it made no sense, so I asked if she knew what it meant because if she did, then she wouldn't be saying that about us. That flustered her a bit & she was quiet for a few minutes, but started criticizing other people & I said, "Why do you feel like you have to constantly criticize us every time we go out?" That also got her to be quiet for a little bit. I didn't say it harshly, but just as a matter-of-fact.

To smooth the situation over some, I took a salt shaker & threw a little bit of salt on her, telling her she had been "a-salted." She didn't respond, but I (& a few others) found it endlessly hilarious.

After a while she got pissed off again & left, this after she threatened another girl in our group TWICE that she was going to punch her in the face. The same girl who helped her straighten her hair & look good for the night. No good deed....

I still think the salt incident was funny...

Slightly Overwhelmed

2011-03-04T13:39:00.003-05:00

My inability to get anything productive done this semester is incredibly discouraging. I have a thing due on Sunday that I haven't started aside from doing the title page. And oh yeah, I'm supposed to have read this book to complete the assignment. But guess what.

Didn't.

I just haven't had the time. I'm busy with work, on top of stuff I've had to do for my other class. On top of trying to sleep. On top of sort of trying to succeed at having a social life.

So I've found a summary of the book (conveniently written on the blog of someone who already took this class) so I'm going to try to write my Abstract based on that, & then do the rest of the assignment through skimming. 4.0, it was nice having you...

Also, I have a 15 page thing due next Friday & aside from the topic & having some of the sources already...nothing.

I'm not really too concerned about the 15 page thing next week because I've gotten full credit on every assignment thus far so it obviously doesn't matter how good of quality it is. Which is discouraging in & of itself. And then my professor for the class that has the 5 page thing this week says she's a tough grader. Whatever gets you off, honey.

It's getting to the point now where I start to figure up how much of a grade drop I'll have if I don't turn the assignment in....

Daddy needs a break from school. I'm serious.

Ruh Roh

2011-03-02T01:26:00.002-05:00

It is pretty common knowledge that I'm not exactly the most graceful human on the planet. In fact, I've referenced this fact a few times in the past (most notably in this story). Well, this post will just be about some of my "greatest hits", if you will.

1. When I was a toddler, my parents had put me to bed & were in the other room. They heard a loud crash & me screaming. I had somehow managed to fall out of my crib.

2. It was Easter Sunday, 1991. I was 5 & dressed like a dapper little gentleman. We lived next door to the church my dad was the pastor of at the time & somehow between the church & our house I fell in a puddle & was completely covered. My dad didn't find it as humorous as my mother did.

3. When I was in kindergarten I was going to participate in a Walk-A-Thon fundraiser. During practice for it (I have no idea...) I fell & pulled a muscle in my leg so badly that I couldn't walk for a week. If I remember correctly I mentioned this incident.

4. When I was 8 I tried to see how far I could jump off of an end table. Definitely didn't get very far & dented an antique lamp.

5. During the summer of 1996 I was part of a soccer league. During a game I was (typically) not paying attention & looked up to see the ball coming immediately at my head. Definitely went down & when I opened my eyes, my dad was over me, along with some players, the referee, & the coach. I definitely got knocked-out for a little bit.

6. During another game I couldn't get out of the way fast enough & the ball hit me full force in the stomach. The bench was warmed by me for a while after that.

7. Age 14. Riding my bicycle around the neighborhood. Stood up to peddle faster when the right peddle slipped & the gripper things went into my leg. I was gushing blood & had to walk about a half-mile with a bloody leg. People kept walking by me, staring, & turning their heads. Assholes.

8. Another bike story. I stood up to peddle faster out of the driveway & sat back down, squishing one of my balls between my leg & the seat. Somehow, I made it back inside but laid down a while.

9. My first day working at Jersey Mike's I fell with a tub of mayonnaise. Of course, the tub broke & it went everywhere. Luckily it didn't get on me because I probably would have quit.

10. Second time I worked at the movie theater, I fell on my face opening a door. I turned the knob & just....fell. Into the lobby. Hmmmm.....

11. One time this old lady needed help getting back to her movie theater, having gotten lost while going to the bathroom. I told her I'd help her & as I turned around to walk out of the box-office, I walked face-first into the back of it. She just looked at me & said, "I think I'll be fine on my own" & went on her way.

12. When I worked at Jersey Mike's the second time, I sliced part of the tip of my thumb off on the meat slicer. My co-workers thought I cut myself so they cleaned the knife & not the slicer. Ooops. By the way, I still have an indention from my missing flesh.

13. Another time I spilled some juice & didn't clean it up immediately. Guess who then slipped a little while later & landed on the mat just next to it, thus scraping the crap out of his knee...

14. Same shift as above. Slipped & hit my head on the bread rack on my way down.

15. College in Georgia. Slipped & slid down a muddy hill on my butt. Right?

16. My nickname at Applebee's was "Dammit Andrew" for a reason. I was always spilling, dropping, breaking things. However, I only dropped a plate of food once, & only spilled a tray of drinks once. However, I was known to accidently knock into a fellow server & make them spill their stuff...

17. On Halloween 2008, I slipped at the end of the shift talking to Alexis & grabbed the dressing cart about 10 minutes before closing. Somehow only 2 dressings spilled, but I was covered in water & some dressing. I took the cart out back to spray it off with the hose. My manager didn't find it humorous until the force from the water hose made the dressing splash all over me. Then he said it was funny.

18. At the beginning of a shift I had to get milk out of the cooler for the bartender. I gave it a shake as I was walking up front & apparently, I got a jug that had already been opened & the cap flew off, covering me in milk. I smelled fantastic.

19. During a busy shift I fell down the steps of my section when a table tried to get my attention as I was walking away.

20. I wasn't super clumsy in Florida because I didn't do much of anything. I did trip a lot, though.

21. I've been going on a rampage at my current job, breaking & spilling everything in my path. Oops.

Pointless Post (But Potentially Slightly Informative, Too)

2011-02-28T13:00:00.005-05:00

Sorry I've been M.I.A. lately. And not in the catchy "Paper Planes" or whatever the hell that song was called kind of way. I've been super swamped with school work & work (more school than anything).

I'm always the kind of person that feels incredibly guilty if I'm not doing homework. I always feel like I could be doing SOMETHING. So it's almost impossible for me to relax, but that's always been the case. I've been getting a lot of stress headaches the past few days, too.

Oh yeah! The weather is so nice. It's cloudy today but about 80. Yesterday was absolutely perfect & I missed almost all of it because I was at my job on my day off doing homework.

Also? There is a small chance I could be doing some modeling coming up. A co-worker used to be a professional model & is trying to start up a business here. She's having auditions on Thursday & I'm going with Katie (who has modeling experience already) for her audition for support. But my co-worker wants some people in "The Business" (that's what they call it) to look at me, since she thinks I have an "arsty, European" look & style. Whatever. I think I always look like a hot damn train wreck but more power to her. If it brings in extra cash, I'm all for it.

I'm ready for my close-up.

Nice Try, But I Never Stop Talking (Except For When I Do)

2011-02-24T15:37:00.003-05:00

So at work we are having a promotion where certain beans are on sale, 2 lbs for $20. Management won't leave us alone about selling it & we are even ranked (& our hours may be dependent) on how many we sell. As a whole, we are supposed to sell 15 lbs a day. Well, that just doesn't really happen. But I digress...

I would ask people in the drive-thru if they drink coffee at home. Most people would listen, one even bought. But to those who didn't...they had this exchange.

Me: "Do you drink coffee at home?"

Customer: "I'm not interested."

Me: "Well, it's a good thing I'm stubborn because I'm going to finish what I was saying..."

It all depends on how you say these things. Honestly, I think that's the only reason I've never been fired from a customer service job. Just slap on a smile. Maybe give a little laugh. Then people don't realize how much you actually hate them & are probably insulting them.

I promise I'm not an ass in real life. I'm just tired of being treated rudely for no reason.

I think for a future post I will write down all of my best customer service related insults/exchanges. Thoughts?

The Perfect Storm

2011-02-23T01:50:00.004-05:00

Instead of finishing any of the homework that is progressively piling up & stressing me out, I have decided to share with you all a very special story.

When I was 14, I visited a Lutheran church with my friend Courtney. Growing up Protestant, we always used grape juice for communion, but those Lutherans know how to get it done. Granted, I only had a super small sip, but I knew alcohol & I would someday become friends.

While I worked at the movie theater (both times) & during my year in high school & tenure at community college, I was around people who drank a lot but I never partook. This wasn't necessarily because I thought it would be wrong. No, it was because I never got invited to anything where there was alcohol. Judging from how things played out later, maybe it was good I didn't discover the Magical Drink for a while.

January, 2007. I was 20 & beginning my 2nd semester at "real college" in Georgia. I had been invited to go to Florida by some guys (including Robyn, who visited me last summer in Florida) to go with them & visit another friend (Neil) who had transferred at the end of last semester. The whole trip was kind of wonky, with Neil & Robyn up each others butts, Dan constantly texting his underage girlfriend, & me just kind of there. There was a lot of drama going on back in Georgia & I was preoccupied with that hot mess.

Let me go on & put this out here: I've changed a lot since then. I was even more awkward at that time & more socially inept. Because of that, I was treated like a...pet? Does that make sense? It still happens some now, but not to the same degree. People treat me like I'm this retarded child who can occasionally do tricks (such as making inappropriate comments & saying ridiculous things) but can't really take care of himself.

Anyway. We had access to alcohol, because of course we did. In the course of about an hour, I had drank Skyy vodka, multiple Smirnoff Ice, Starbucks liqueur, Jack Daniels, & maybe some wine & beer. I don't remember that part. But needless to say, I was completely blasted off my ass. In fact, I was so drunk that I decided it would be a good idea to walk around outside naked. I then proceeded to go into the bathroom & announce that I was going to try to masturbate. My friends didn't like that so much, so they did everything they could to distract me from the other room. It worked. I was unpleased.

By this point, I was wearing underwear. That doesn't necessarily mean that I was wearing them correctly. There were pictures of me sprawled on the couch with my...friends just laying about. I also told Robyn I hated him because he had weaseled in my friendship with Neil (this wasn't the first time something like that had happened to me). I was a hot damn mess.

But guess what! I had nary a hangover the next day. Luckily, I never had another night like that again. Yes, there was another naked drunk night a few years later (connected to a drinking game) but I never again yelled at anyone or tried to get my wank-on while other people were around.

Granted, the rest of the trip was complete mookie. I basically had a nervous breakdown the next night because of stress & feeling left out by the other 3 & almost killed myself. Then I told my dad about everything that happened & he threatened to cut me off financially (like from the $2,000 in my savings account that was technically in their name). It also set off a chain reaction of events for the rest of the semester that led to me almost transferring to another school.

But if nothing else, I learned that I love drinking.

Sigh....

2011-02-20T16:19:00.001-05:00

I love my job so much. I make your overpriced drinks with love.

That Time My Lungs Were Destroyed For A Little Over Minimum Wage

2011-02-15T17:59:00.005-05:00

I've tried to make it a habit recently not to talk about work anymore since I was reprimanded for saying something negative about a product on Facebook in October. The company has taken the stance that any negative talk about a policy, product, customer, or employee will result in termination. But honestly, today was such bull that I can't help it.

Our district manager is a Dingleberry (I've nicknamed him that, too). He is under the impression that everything should be cleaned all the time & we should never stop moving. This on top of the fact that we don't get breaks (illegal!). So he was there today, spreading his charm, & we kept getting cleaning assignments. I got stuck deck brushing all of the tile floor (a huge undertaking) & eventually ended up hurting my back & shoulders, as well as inhaling a copious amount of 409. I went to the back later & was given a new assignment: cleaning the mop bucket. Yes.

I was instructed to spray the 409 onto the mop bucket, take a scrubby sponge, & clean the mop bucket. In all fairness, it was disgusting, but seriously. It's a mop bucket. People expect disgusting from it. So I'm stuck in the back, sitting on the floor, wearing those yellow dish gloves. There is no ventilation back there & we aren't allowed to open any of the doors back there, so the 409 was really starting to get to me. On top of all of that, my OCD was kicking in & I never wanted to stop. It would never be clean enough. Ever. EVER!

Eventually my shift supervisor commanded that I stop because she was worried about my health, seeing as my face was apparently starting to turn a funny color due to the chemicals. As soon as Dingleberry left, my manager & I loosened up & we started inventing drinks & having fun. We continued to clean some, but the urgency dissipated.

I am the World's Most Unhappy Barista.

P.S. I already have had a hard time getting rid of the cough from my sickness a few weeks ago but it's been ridiculous today. Just constant hacking, gagging, dry heaving.

Pearl Of Wisdom By MEEEEEE

2011-02-13T23:31:00.002-05:00

In anonymity there is safety.

My Own Guest Post

2011-02-08T22:06:00.003-05:00

So, I did a guest post on Aubree's blog. It's the typical fare: I get into a weird situation with a creeper that could potentially end with me losing my innocence &/or life. This one involves the movie theater & a truck driver.

Enjoy!

Guest Post! Holla!

2011-02-06T19:52:00.004-05:00

So I decided to do my first ever guest post today! This is due partly because I don't feel like posting my own shit, but also because I want people to read the awesomeness that is Aubree, who hails all the way from Inspirational Me. You should follow her. But not in a creepy way.

Anyway, here is her post.

"Back last year when I was in a fit of annoyance over my demanding 16 unit school schedule, having to go to work and my complete lack of a social or dating life, someone from work suggested an online dating site (it was free, of course).

I'll pause for your laughter. Done? Okay, moving on.

Apparently she had 'tons of success!!' on there and got a few relationships out of it so I checked it out, mostly just to see how it worked. I filled out some questionnaires but never posted a picture, so naturally no responses came. Then, a few months ago, I remembered I had an account on there and put up a picture.

Some guy who lives pretty near me continuously contacted me and when he asked for my number, I didn't know how to say no. No matter how many times my response was "Lol" he always found something to reply to and wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to make him lose interest by being unfunny and boring, but to no avail. After not even knowing me for a week, he wanted to meet up.

I didn't really want to go, but since I have no spine and he seemed nice enough, I tentatively agreed. He asked where I live and, not being a total ass hat, I gave him a city near where I live. We were supposed to meet up at the entrance to this big shopping center near where I told him I live (it was actually pretty far from my house). I even told him I had work that night (I did not) so I'd have an excuse to bounce in case it sucked.

I felt really weird about going and things just seemed sketchy, like him telling me to lie to my parents about who I was hanging out with. After canceling and uncanceling a few times, I told him I was definitely canceling. I don't even know why he still wanted to meet up since I was being so hesitant and back and forth about it all! He tried a few times to get me to reconsider (am I really that charming and beautiful?) but I further declined.

I have since disabled my account and even though myself and potential killer are still friends on Facebook, we haven't talked since a few days after I bailed.

Oh, and Julie looked at all of his pictures on Facebook (I stupidly only looked at a few of them) and I guess he is big into comics and Star Wars and has pictures of himself at a convention where he shaved his head and painted it black and red like Darth Maul and glued horns on his head.

Crisis averted."

So Hardcore

2011-01-31T19:43:00.002-05:00

The badass Spongebob thermometer. And my bloodshot eyes. Which (fortunately or unfortunately) aren't from narcotics.

It even plays the theme music. Cool, eh?

The Time I Thought I Was Going To Die Last Night

2011-01-28T17:43:00.003-05:00

Overall, I like to pride myself on a pretty stellar immune system. I only get sick once a year at the most, but unfortunately when I do it's a doozy.

Earlier this week I began to notice I was coughing a little bit more. I had a bad feeling of what was coming because everyone & their mother (& my own mother) has been sick recently. When I was moving last weekend I accidently kissed my mom on the lips (no incest) when I forgot she was getting over something nasty. As soon as it happened, I realized I had made a mistake. And no, that mistake was not linked to kissing my mother on the mouth. That's how we show our love.

Anyway. I began coughing a lot more on Wednesday & by Thursday morning when I got up for work, I knew what my fate would be. I had begun feeling tingly. Achy. I always feel that at the onset of sick. Luckily my shift was short & I slept almost all afternoon. But when I woke up....oy.

I didn't feel horrendous at first but as the evening wore on I wanted to be cradled by the sweet embrace of death. On the plus side, I got to watch "Community." On the negative side, I was sick. Katie came over with soup & orange juice. She tried to concoct a ginger tea for me out of ginger powder & water but luckily she realized how bad it would be & I never had to try it. I was starting to sweat like crazy & shake a little bit, & eventually she left so I could suffer alone. And suffer I did.

My heart was pounding so hard & so fast that I seriously thought I might be dying. I would consider calling 911 but since my phone doesn't let me call anyone (thanks again, Verizon!) I just laid on the couch. Then I slept in the bathroom. Then I went back to the couch. Then back to the bathroom. Then to my room where I woke up a ton but luckily I slept relatively well, give or take my pounding heart.

I felt fine upon waking up this afternoon but I can tell as the day wears on that I'm going to start feeling worse. Katie brought me those Halls Vitamin C drops, Day & Nyquil, some cookies, & a Spongebob thermometer. My fever may have broken but I'm starting to feel bad again.

Oh yeah, my roommate's girlfriend is coming to visit this weekend & he's also having a party. This should be fun.

Eventually, I will talk about my move.

200th Post

2011-01-26T00:29:00.003-05:00

I will use my 200th post to say this...

I AM OFFICIALLY MOVED OUT! NO MORE SKIDMARK!

In other news, I will have a real post later on.

Hey Guess What!

2011-01-21T01:22:00.003-05:00

Someone is moving this weekend! No more Skidmark. No more gay bondage porn. No more "roommate not speaking to me."

This will also probably mean no more fun stories, but that is just a risk I'm willing to take. It might force me to become more creative.

The Suicidal Applebee's Cook

2011-01-19T17:12:00.004-05:00

A while back I promised I'd write about the suicidal cook at Applebee's. Well, the time has come for me to share this story with the world...

It was fall in 2008 & a week night. My girlfriend at the time (during the 2 weeks we dated before I broke up with her) were bored so we went to Applebee's. Please note that the town we went to college in is ridiculously small & Applebee's was the only non-fast food, non-ethnic (Mexican or Chinese) restaurant in the whole place. It was also where I worked & wanted to eat cheaply since I was one of the only employees they let eat with a discount off the clock.

Anyway. GF & I were there, talking to the two waitresses still there (who also went to school with us) & the manager. One of the cooks, Tom, who was a known drug dealer/user was also there & had been pacing around the dining room & acting more weird than normal, but I didn't think much of it. Then I saw him run out of the kitchen & go out the side door, quickly followed by my manager, who returned back inside shortly. That was when he informed us that Tom had taken one of the prep knives & sliced his right arm. Tom was freaking out & acting violent in the parking lot, but my manager was already in the process of calling 911. The paramedics eventually arrived & carted Tom to the ER while the rest of us were in shock. All of us, that is, except for the dishwasher: a large black guy nicknamed "Debo" (I'm using his real nickname because seriously....). Debo wasn't upset at all. Instead, he was pissed because he had already cleaned the floors & now had to do it again because of the blood.

On the subject of blood...let's just say there was a lot. As Tom ran by the side stations where the extra sauces, napkins, a some of the computers are located, he trailed and splashed blood. On bottles. On the counter. The carpet. All of it.

Anyway, it turns out he did it because he was so hopped up on drugs & was upset because another cook, a female, had rejected him so he decided that was the best course of action. And to this day, he doesn't have full use of his hand because he had sliced his arm completely to the bone, causing irreparable damage.

Quite Pointless But Deal With It

2011-01-13T00:17:00.003-05:00

Tonight my co-worker Madison & I went to Applebee's because she has never been before (she's obviously lived a privileged life). She thought it was amazing (she's 18. Cut her some slack).

That's not the point of the story (though it would be awesome & possibly the worst story ever told) (I have a lot of parenthetical thought, don't I?). The point is that during a song, I heard what sounded like a guitar making a fart noise but didn't say anything. Then it happened again. And again. By this point, Madison & I looked at each other & started laughing. And then it was nothing but farting noises coming over the speaker system. AND we were the only people laughing or having any reaction at all. It got to the point that we were crying due to laughing so hard.

......& that's where babies come from.

Why I Want To Bring The Rage Onto Verizon

2011-01-10T23:52:00.002-05:00

So here is the damn blog about my Verizon problems.

When we got cell phones back in the early/mid-2000's, my parents & I were all about some Altell. But when my dad moved to Georgia in 2007 for his job (conveniently "coincidentally" in the same small town I went to college) he began an account with Verizon. Once my contract was up with Altell, he put me on his plan for Verizon. Wonderful. I loved them. We had no problems, aside from the battery-life of my phone being shit after a while.

Then last year before I moved to Florida, it was time for an upgrade so I got the EnV3 (my mother had the EnV2 & loved it). I had a hard time adjusting to the keyboard & it had difficulty taking pictures but overall I was happy. Until it began turning itself off. I had assorted problems over the next year & it got to the point where I had to get a new one. Unfortunately, the issue with the camera was so bad that all of my pictures that had been transferred from my previous phone were forever lost. Some of those were 3 years old, & others had sentimental value (such as the last picture I got to take with my grandmother a month before she died, though luckily I put that on Facebook).

They gave me a new EnV3, but it wouldn't let me access my voicemail & also had my number as unavailable when I called people. They couldn't fix that, so I got a new EnV3. This one.

This one also turns itself off at will, but the problem right now is that the speaker is broken. I also have to slam the send & end button to get them to work. The alarm still works. I can still play my ringtones. But I can't talk on the phone. That is a problem indeed.

So I went to Verizon over by where I work. The employee said it was unfixable (but didn't say anything about the speaker) & that my warranty was up so I am S.O.L. I decided that this was a time to get my dad involved, since the account is in his name.

That was why I went home the other day. After the tire incident my dad & I went to Verizon. That was when we were told about the speaker. We were also told that I could buy a used phone but that was all I could do. I told them that honestly, this is their problem since it's my 3rd fucking phone in a year so obviously their product sucks. We also mentioned that we were thinking about cancelling our plan. Didn't do any good.

So now I'm stuck with a phone I can only text on, & whenever I can hear someone on the other end, their voice is incredibly distant & they sound like the teacher from "Charlie Brown" ("Wah wah wah wah wah").

I told my dad to write a letter to the C.E.O. I'm not going down without a fight. Especially if I can use my dad as a warrior & he can take the blows.

Why I Almost Brought The Rage At Wal-Mart

2011-01-09T22:37:00.003-05:00

Since apparently my rage issues at Wal-Mart & with Verizon have become the talk of my blog (you guys are lame), that's what I'll write about next. First, Wal-Mart.

So I went home to get away from Skidmark & also deal with the Verizon issue. But on top of that, I needed to get new tires since they almost failed me on my inspection because the metal was showing in one of them (oops). So my dad set-up for me to get new tires at Wal-Mart. And I went.

As I drove around to the car section, I see that there is both a tire lane & an oil lane. The tire lane was blocked off so I got into the oil lane, hoping for some direction. That direction came in the form of a woman who mumbled so badly I couldn't understand her very well aside from her telling me I needed to get into the tire lane. I told her I couldn't pull over there, so she moved part of the barrier for me. I get in the tire lane. She then comes over waving her arms (way to be dramatic, precious) & tells me in a snotty tone of voice (I could tell it was snotty because she enunciated more than before) that I needed to park in the parking lot & they would come get my car. I told her in a slightly snotty tone (because I can't fully commit sometimes) that I was just doing what she told me, & she agreed.

Wait. What?

So she moves yet ANOTHER barrier so I can go park. I peel over there (which made quite the statement in a gold Ford Taurus [remember, it belongs to my mother]) & stomp my way inside. Every time I saw her after that I gave her an evil glare.

And almost everyone I saw looked like they had Down's Syndrome.

Verizon post will be separate.

Most Boring Post Yet? Perhaps.

2011-01-07T00:35:00.004-05:00

I got pulled over last night because the car I was driving (belonging to my mother) had an expired registration & inspection sticker. I've been driving it since I moved to Raleigh because my Focus was on its last leg & my parents didn't want me to explode. However, they told me I didn't need to take care of anything until January. Turns out they were wrong.

I thought about it earlier this week about how I needed to get it done so I texted my mom, who told my dad, who texted me, saying it was actually December. Lovely. I have been working from early morning until late afternoon this whole week (until today) so I haven't had time to get it done. While I was leaving my small group at church I saw a cop next to me, & I knew what was going to happen.

And it did.

Luckily he was nice, young, & possibly flirting with me. I told him the truth, & that I was going to go tomorrow (today) & get it inspected. He let me leave.

I got it inspected today & passed. Accidently. He said he didn't mean to pass me since the metal was showing on one of the tires. Oops. So I got 2 new tires today when I came home to visit my parents.

I also almost brought The Rage on a lady who worked at Wal-Mart but that story won't translate well to blog.

I also realized that quite a few of the people at Wal-Mart today looked like they had Down's Syndrome on top of their typical slow appearances.

Also, Verizon can suck a fat one. That's a different post altogether.

Could this be my most boring, rambling post ever? Perhaps. I'm a terrible blogger.

2011-01-03T10:11:00.001-05:00

Because we couldn't figure out how to put this on without the instructions...

The Time My Parents Were Almost Investigated By DCFS Because Of An Injury I Gave Myself

2010-12-29T19:42:00.004-05:00

Ok, so the winner of the last poll was choice #1, which was the time I almost had my parents investigated by DCFS because of an injury I gave myself. Here is the story...........

It was around the 4th of July in 1993. I was less than a month away from turning 7. After having run errands as a family all day, my dad decides to give me a bath. I didn't really care one way or the other, & just viewed the whole ordeal as something to be tolerated. As he was drawing the bath, I got it into my creative brain that it would be a good idea to dance on the toilet. I put the lid down & started a'movin' & a'groovin'. Until the lid shifted & I felt & hit my head on the bowl.

That's right. I fell off the toilet & hit my head on it.

My dad, living in a constant state of confusion, didn't really know what had happened. My mother, who had been changing clothes, ran into the bathroom topless (I wasn't unconscious. Yet.) & yelled, "He's bleeding!" My dad said, "Where?" & my mom yelled, "His face!"

Sure enough, there was a big cut directly next to my eye that was gushing blood. My parents knew a nurse in town so they called her up to see if she could give them an opinion about whether or not I needed stitches. I was going in & out of consciousness, but I remember the nurses kids staring at me like I was a retard (duh).

It was decided I needed to go to the hospital, because no shit. I don't remember too much after that except speeding to the hospital (don't remember who was driving) & going into the bathroom at the hospital & looking in the mirror & being able to see bone. But apparently what happened that I don't remember was my parents getting the third degree about how I got the injury. The doctors & nurses couldn't believe that I would dance on the toilet. In fact, they were going to call DCFS on my parents because they were so sure that my parents had abused me. It wasn't until I semi-consciously confirmed the story that they backed-off & realized that yes, I am that weird.

And I still have that scar today. Some people think it's a dimple because as I grew up my face stretched out. But a few people know the truth.

God, I'm such a moron.

YOU Choose The Story, Pt. Dos!

2010-12-26T16:11:00.003-05:00

As some of you may know, yesterday was Christmas. For some, this means a lot of alcohol, a lot of presents, a lot of fun, a lot of fighting, a lot of food, & a lot of stress. For me, this means just one thing: work.

Because I don't really have much else to talk about at the moment aside from work (that I'm not going to mention at the moment since I've been told if I say anything negative about the company I will be fired. Who needs freedom of speech when you have a job in this economy, eh?), I'm going to let you guys pick my next post. Here are the 3 choices. Whichever story wins will be my next post.

1. The time my parents were almost investigated by DCFS for abuse because of a specific injury I had given myself.

2. The time I almost got arrested.

3. My first wreck.

2010-12-24T20:00:00.003-05:00

Sorry that I've been kind of negligent on posting & commenting on your blogs, guys. Super busy & exhausted with work. But hopefully I will be able to catch up soon.

Why I'm So Good With Kids (Also, Why I'm A Good Salesman)

2010-12-20T11:25:00.004-05:00

Yesterday at work, this man & his son of about 5 or 6 came up to the counter. After they ordered their assorted items, the boy noticed a thing of those stupid Silly Bandz that are all the rage right now.

So stupid...

Anyway, I have no idea why my job sells them. None at all. But alas, we do.

The boy wanted some. The father seemed confused by them. That's when I took over....

"Oh, you don't want those! They're $5 for a bunch of plastic bands. For that kind of money, you could help feed a starving kid in Africa."

The kid just looked at me, confused. The dad seemed a little confused, but thought it was humorous. And because once I start something like this I have to commit, I followed it up with.

"Yeah. How about that for a dose of reality on a Sunday morning."

Awkward silence.

My job here is done.

And that's why I'm such a good salesman & so good with kids, too.

I Always Pull It Out (That's What She Said)

2010-12-15T12:51:00.003-05:00

I'm usually not a procrastinator. In college, I was very good at time-management. When I was in Florida last year, I got my homework done weeks in advance depending on the workload at the time.

But this semester has been a struggle. The situation with depression, Skidmark, & my ridiculous work schedule has made getting schoolwork done early (& well) has been thrown out of the window. This Sunday I had a 10-12 page paper about my cultural family heritage that I was really struggling with. I had allotted certain times to work on it because of work, so it shouldn't have been a problem. But because we're so understaffed & I seem to have the most availability, almost every shift I worked was rearranged & I got called in on days off.

Now, because of this issue with being understaffed, we are all being forced to work 7-10 hour shifts without breaks because there's usually only 2 people working. Yes, it's illegal. I know that. Thanks. Anyway, whenever I'm not at work, I'm flat-out exhausted. No energy to type or think. All I want to do is sleep. But this paper had to be done.

I had Saturday night off. All of the research was done. The title page was done. The references were cited. I started writing. Then Skidmark is all in a tizzy, cleaning & whatnot. I assumed he was bringing someone over. He did. I could hear them talking & someone used the bathroom about 8 times in the span of an hour.

Because I was frustrated, I texted Katie from my church small group. She called me back & said she & some other people from church were coming to get me. I protested, stating I had to get this beast written. Then Brennan took the phone from her & told me he was taking me back to his place in Fayetteville. I stopped fighting.

They came & got me. Brennan apparently doesn't know how to get to his house from where I was because we went about 40 minutes out of the way. It took us about 2 1/2 hrs to make a trip that usually takes only a little over an hour. Whatever. I got some of the paper written there. Then Katie came & got me. I realized as we were leaving Fayetteville that I left my laptop & books in Brennan's car. So we had to get those.

I get home about 40 minutes before I have to work (by the way, I tried to get someone to cover this shift & no one at MULTIPLE stores could do it for me, so I'm done picking up shifts for people for a while). I decided to do a discussion board post because I knew the paper would be done late & there was no point in risking 2 late grades as opposed to 1. When I got back from work, the internet wasn't working well. Of course.

Monday after work, I come home to finish the paper. Then there's a power-surge & the internet stops working. Are you serious?

I call Katie & we go over to Ryan's (also in our small group) to finish this paper. I stupidly drink a beer before I start writing & it makes the whole experience just the more frustrating. It ended up being one of the worst things I've ever written (possibly worse than anything I've written on this here blog). But I turned that bitch in 10 minutes before it would have been 2 days late. Didn't even proof read.

And guess what.

I got a 95 on it.

5 points off for it being late.

I am unstoppable.

No Pride

2010-12-11T13:21:00.002-05:00

At least I didn't have to wear the caribou costume...those antlers were such a pain in the ass trying to keep both them & my headset on, as well as not knocking into things with them. Maneuvering the drive-thru window with them on was no small task.

How Any 24 Year Old Would Want To Spend Friday Night

2010-12-10T18:12:00.004-05:00

I should be working on a paper that's due Sunday right now. That's what I should be doing. But I'm not. No. Instead, I'm doing everything in my power but writing that paper.

It's supposed to be 10-12 pages long, which is all well & good, but the topic of the paper is not conducive to me being able to make it that long. It's on my cultural background & heritage, & how it has affected my upbringing & my family.

Wonderful. Except that it hasn't affected anything. I have Native American on my mom's side but that trickled out by the time my grandmother was born (though she got some reparation money because we had relatives who walked the Trail of Tears). And that's basically it. I'm part English, because of course I am.

I already told the professor I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just going to write as much as I can, use as many sources as I can (because it's so logical to make us use 12 sources on a paper about our lives, right?) & hope for the best. My grades have been pretty good so I'm not expecting to fail or anything. I still want to do the best I can.

Also, I went downstairs & Skidmark is in the basement. I wonder what horror he is conjuring down there at the moment.

Slight Update

2010-12-10T01:52:00.005-05:00

It appears as if I may have found a place to live. I should know sometime next week.

On another note, I'm way too drunk for it to be a Thursday. And for having only drank 2 beers.

Also, here are two pictures of me holding an adorable baby this weekend while I was in Georgia. When his mom got pregnant while we attended Bible college I was one of the few people who helped keep her secret. I'm such a good friend.

What. The. Hell?

2010-12-06T11:45:00.002-05:00

I just found this in my basement not 5 minutes after I get back from my trip. I think I'm moving this week.

That Time My Mexican Stalker Returned

2010-11-30T23:25:00.003-05:00

Remember this post where I was almost raped outside of the bathroom at work?

Well, guess who's been coming back by to see me.....

I've been expecting to see him periodically since the original incident but hadn't thought about it too much recently. Then Sunday morning a coworker told me he had come by the night before (right after I left, too) & asked if his "friend Andrew" still worked there. They told him I did, but that I had just left. The next morning (Sunday) he came by again before I got there & asked if I still worked there. They told him I hadn't quit in the past 12 hours (I'm sure they were nicer than that).

About 10 minutes after my coworker told me that he had been asking for me, she told me that he was there right now & I look over & see him standing near the bathroom (WTF?!) waving & smiling at me. I smile & wave back, because really....what else is there to do?

He put his limp wrist out towards me & I stared at him in shock, thinking he wanted me to kiss his hand. I asked what he wanted me to do, & apparently he was wanting me to give him a fist bump. I did, & he got my coworker to give him one too. She was trying not to crack up, but I was dreading what was coming next. Which happened when he started talking about his sister. But this sister wasn't in Mexico, according to him. This one lives on a street that intersects with mine (did not tell him). He was still giving me creepy eyes, & after a few minutes I just walk away because I had nothing else to contribute.

I told two of my shift leaders that he gives me the willies. After I left work today I got a text from another co-worker saying that he came back & one of the shift's talked to him. THEN I got a text from the coworker from Sunday who said he was talking to her & said he respects me. And he hugged another customer.

Hopefully this ends. And I hope to know what was said between him & my shift leader soon.

I also forgot to add that we aren't allowed to let him use the phone anymore because he calls Mexico. Seriously.

Cest La Vie

2010-11-28T18:37:00.002-05:00

My soul died at work today. Stupid Santa hat. But my soul didn't die just because of the hat. Though it contributed.

I Never Stood A Chance

2010-11-25T01:11:00.000-05:00

My parents obviously hated me.

I Suck

2010-11-23T01:15:00.002-05:00

It has been brought to my attention that my grammar sucks. I use apostrophes when I shouldn't & don't when I should.

I used to be quite good at grammar but somewhere along the line in college I started doubting myself when writing papers & lost all ability to function.

This could potentially ruin a friendship.

I am an embarrassment to my mother.

On a happier note, Skidmark is going to be gone for 5 days for Thanksgiving. Holla!

Whoops!

2010-11-21T02:48:00.002-05:00

At work tonight I think a teenage customer called me "annoying." I'm not sure though, because I was walking away after running him his drink.

Whatever. If he did, I've been called worse by customers. And if he didn't, then I obviously made a mistake after murdering him. Sorry dude.

Blue Mooooooooooon. She Saw Me Standing Aloooooooone

2010-11-18T00:38:00.003-05:00

Nothing says "Stable adult" like drinking alone on a Wednesday night.

Sigh.

The Passion Of The Skidmark

2010-11-12T21:24:00.002-05:00

This story has been a'brewin' for the past few weeks, & now I feel like enough has progressed to make a whopping awesome post. So here it goes.

The week leading up to Halloween, Skidmark had begun bring over some guys. It wasn't uncommon for him to bring guys over, but these guys made themselves right at home. The first, a boy of 18, began his night with my dear roommate by going straight up to his room. This was then followed by the two of them showering together. The whole time this is happening, I'm sitting in the living room trying to watch a movie. Then Skidmark took this little chitlin' to the basement for a few minutes. Uh oh, thought I. Well, they came back to the living room & chatted with me for a while, where I learned that this kid's drug dealer lived down the road from us, & also that Skidmark had offered him the opportunity to live in the basement. I asked the kid how the two of them met, & he seemed flustered but said it was because they had classes on the same part of campus. Made sense. Then they went back upstairs & I asked him if he was spending the night.

He did. I saw them both leave together the next morning while I was getting ready for work. No biggie.

The night after that, Skidmark brought another guy over. I was in a bad mood & eating some terrible mac & cheese, so I worked my cock-blocking magic. I sat right there with them, talking online & bitching about the mac & cheese. The guy ended up leaving shortly after.

The next night, the 18 year old was back. They went to the basement again & Skidmark gave him the work mohawk I have ever seen. Then they showered together again. Then I heard someone getting jerked-off through the ceiling. I give up.

Then, on Halloween...

I was watching a movie & had to tinkle. Skidmark was upstairs so I went to the basement so I wouldn't have to see that creeper. The first thing I see upon reaching the bottom of the stairs are a pair of dominatrix boots (those really harsh, tall, black boots that people into bondage wear). "Well, maybe they aren't that," I said to myself. I round the corner & step into the bathroom, turning on the light. What do you think I saw?

Two humongous pink dildo's.

I just kind of stared at them for a minute, in total shock. I had never seen anything like that before, so it took me a minute to process why there were these two larger than life penises sitting on the back of the toilet. I immediately went back upstairs, fearing that he would catch me (I had watched a LOT of horror movies that week). After he went to sleep, I did go back down & snooped. I'm ashamed, yes.

I went back to Rocky Mount for a few days because I really didn't want to be there. When I went back the boots were still out, but the dildo's were put away.

The next week progressed normally. I was behind on my schoolwork because of the dildo shenanigans, but I managed to (barely) get everything turned in on time. I had a paper due tonight at midnight so I spaced out the rest of my week so I could get that done. Well, that got torn asunder when I woke up yesterday & found a text from Skidmark telling me, & I quote, "Just wanted to let you know we're filming another video between 12 & 2. It's gonna be crazy shit that I don't think you'll wanna hear so you may want to leave." I look at the time. It was 12. I left.

I tried to work on my paper at work, but didn't get much done because of how distracted I get. Around 2:30 I get another text from Mr. Skidmark, telling me that they were done & apologizing for any inconvenience it may have caused me, as well as that he meant to tell me the night before. Well, obviously that makes it all better, right?

I then went on a mission to find the leasing office to see what my next step would be because I had to get out. Turns out, there is absolutely no record of me living there at all. Know why? Skidmark never turned in any of my paperwork. Now I have no idea where this leaves me because the lady said that he is allowed to sublet, but the papers I signed were supposed to put me on the lease, something that apparently hasn't happened. I'm expecting a call from Legal Aid on Monday to give me advice.

And the moral of the story is this: I should have just stayed in my room instead of hanging out in the living room.